♕ Today's Promise: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
Karon, how did your restoration actually begin?
To be honest, I believe it all started when our relationship began, of course, it’s because it was entirely against what I knew was wrong. I am the second wife of my partner and we are not legally married, so in fact, I wasn't his wife at all and didn’t know the mistake of marrying him until after our restoration. But let me begin by explaining that when I found you we had been together for almost seven years, at first he even talked about getting married but after a while he went on to say that this was not part of his plans.
Even though I was raised in a Christian home and thought I knew God, I ignored what I knew was wrong and I still accepted just living together. We called each other husband and wife, I think knowing deep down it was a lie. What I lacked was a relationship with the Lord. When we started dating, I’d been living alone for more than five years and he had been separated for two years and was living with his mother. After dating just two weeks, he moved in with me.
I have always had a very strong personality and a very explosive temper, which I thought were two fantastic qualities. It is clear that these "qualities" would be pure dynamite when mixed with a person with serious unresolved emotional problems coming from a broken relationship that left ongoing periods of drama to the mix. Due to my personality and temperament it was always me who had the final say at home. All our friends and family said I was "the man of the house." Only today do I see that that was exactly what led our relationship to ruin. But God used it for good.
We always had many fights and I always sent him away, kicked him out time after time. Then about two years ago everything got worse. I started to perceive him to be much more distant than usual and he no longer wanted to be with me. Then I received several messages saying that he had been cheating on me for some time and even with a person I knew, a woman who works with him. When I went to question him, he said it was not true but he took the opportunity to tell me that he was not happy and he wanted to separate from me because he didn't love me anymore.
This entered my heart like a sword. I was upset and panicked, over and over again I wanted to talk to him, to try to understand why all this was happening but he was only more distant with me. I started to ask God how I could solve this but at the same time I tried to solve it for myself, partly due to shame, partly due to my arrogance. No matter what, everything failed, of course because it was His plan all along.
God had broken me and was preparing my heart to receive an even stronger blow. In one of our conversations he confessed that he had betrayed me and that was consuming him because he always said that the only thing I would not accept would be betrayal. God is so wonderful that even I was surprised by my attitude. After crying a lot I just asked him if he regretted what he had done and would he do it again and he said no. So I said he owed me a second chance for us to try to be happy together. He accepted but he still treated me with a lot of indifference and he spent even more time away from home. The more I sought God for help, the more he moved away from me. Now I know that what God gave me was not what I asked but what was best for me!
How did God change your situation, Karon, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
I was looking for books that talked about marriage restoration and I ended up finding the book "How God can and will restore your marriage.” From the beginning, I realized that God was using my situation to change my hard heart.
In the beginning the more I tried to apply the principles of the book the more difficult our relationship became. After reading the book, I found the website at the end of the book, so I signed up to take the courses. He was still distant, he slept a few nights at friends' houses, and I went through times that seemed like I couldn't bear it, but gradually God began changing the situation.
After almost a year of this, I thought everything was fine and suddenly he came home one day and told me that he wanted to leave because he couldn't stand living with me anymore. He said that he was very confused and that he thought he never loved me.
Once again my heart was broken but this time I knew what to do and I had God to comfort me and instruct me. It was very painful but I stopped crying and told him that if that was what he wanted I would not object and I would not try to convince him to stay and when he left that he could take what he wanted.
He slept one night at his mother's house and the next day he called me saying he didn't know what to do and then asked me what he should do. I just answered that he should ask God and that He would show him what to do. He came home and then we went to his sister's house at the weekend but when he came back, he said he thought it was a mistake to come home. He really wanted to leave and that the next day he would take his things and move out of the house for good, I just agreed.
At the end of the next day, he sent me a message telling me that he had taken his things from home and that he wished me to be very happy and that I deserved someone better than him. When I got home I saw that he really did take all his things, and though it was painful, at the same time I felt this overwhelming peace and calm. I remained firm and confident in God and His plan, and as I said, as incredible as it may seem, I felt such a peace in my heart that I could never explain.
To my surprise, after moving on with my Heavenly Husband, I got a call from him, saying that the only way to make it right was for us to marry and that until then, God would never allow us to be happy. So he would be staying at his mother's house until we were married.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Karon, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
What God taught me during this trial was to have self-control, to be submissive to my Heavenly Husband, not to my “husband” because he wasn’t my husband. I also learned to take my problems only to Him, who is the only One who can solve any and all situations, leading us to the truth as only He can.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Karon?
On this journey I had several difficult moments, but the ones that most affected me was when I had to treat someone with love and patience, when it was a person who only despised me and treated me badly and at the time, mistakenly was submissive to him. Another time was when he left me very alone and when he slept outside the house and most of the time he didn't even let me know he wouldn’t be coming back. These moments I only managed to overcome through the comfort of God because without Him I would not have endured this.
Karon, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
The turning point was that my partner (who left home after almost a year of this journey) acknowledged God would not bless our union. I thought that being married would resolve everything but now I know this just created a new start to another journey I’m on now. I know there are so many more things that need to be done but God was Who turned his heart towards our relationship, returned as someone else, and asked me to marry him. Only God could do that.
Tell us HOW it happened, Karon? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Karon, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
I never imagined that our restoration was close to happening. Especially after I’d moved on with my Heavenly Husband. One day he called and asked if I’d mind just having a simple ceremony at a church with only a pastor and a few witnesses. I said, No, I wouldn’t mind because I’d never dreamed I’d ever get married. The following weekend we were married and we began our life together as husband and wife.
To be honest it took me a while to realize that the restoration that had taken place, meant that I was still an adulteress. After studying the lesson "Are you ready for restoration?" I could see that my relationship was restored but I’d also just finished Living the Abundant Life. I discovered that there are second marriages God restores, so I am not sure where I am in my journey. All I know is that I need Him more than anyone ever could and that is my life’s goal. To be the best bride for Him.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Karon?
I recommend all the materials of this ministry, which are clearly inspired and blessed by God.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Karon?
Yes
Either way, Karon, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
I would like to say that as much as the situation seems impossible, for God nothing is impossible and that the more the situation seems impossible the more God will show up and take care of everything. Most important is understanding why you’re on this journey, which is to know Him and to become His bride. Once you fully grasp this, it’s easier to let go and trust Him.
He loves us infinitely and wants the best for us, even though in the midst of the crisis we cannot see it. Never give up, just trust HIM!!!!
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