♕ Today's Promise: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.” 2 Timothy 4:7-8
Zhenya, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?
It had been a rough marriage after 7 years of dating, and 6 years married. At the beginning of the 7th year of marriage, my world collapsed.
I had a dream of my husband, Alfred, dying. When I woke up I told him about it and he told me it meant ‘a new beginning’. I didn’t even know he had an OW (other woman) but later I understood he was referring to a new life with her. But mostly, I understood he would die spiritually and become new, it meant a new life for both of us, a new marriage on the solid rock of God.
Then he started to act differently, at his bday party he took pictures with all his family except with me and he disappeared for an hour. I kept asking for him but nobody knew and at some point when he came back he took his mom to speak with her in private.
Four days later, he confessed he was having an emotional affair with a “perfect woman for him and that she was exactly what he always dreamed for, and that even marrying me was a mistake, and he knew that since that day” I was completely broken, I never knew such pain.
How did God change your situation, Zhenya, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
God, was so merciful because He already had led me to Restore Ministries International 8 months before Alfred became unfaithful I had already read the book “How God Can and Will Restore your Marriage” and took the other restoration courses so immediately I did what I was supposed to do towards Alfred except for the fact that I acted in the flesh and asked him to leave the house, I couldn’t stand knowing he was in love with OW while living with me. I thought I was being used since I made more money and paid more bills than he did. He happily accepted the separation and left to live with his mom.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Zhenya, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
To journal the faithfulness of God in the big and small things to keep me focused and remember all He did for me during this painful but necessary journey.
Meanwhile, God was changing me. He used this brokenness to change me. At the beginning of my trials I was so weak but with every trial as I grew closer in my relationship with my Love, I realized I became stronger and stronger and spiritually mature, and less deceived by the enemy.
One time as I was praying and crying after watching some posts in social media between Alfred and the OW (other woman), God told me I was the one that had been created for him and he had been created for me. Even if our marriage seemed like a mistake, it was not. God had a purpose.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Zhenya?
The other woman was in another country. As soon as they ‘fell in love’ they made plans to meet and live in the USA. One day Alfred contacted me to help him find a flight to leave forever. I gave my situation and tears to God and didn’t resist or say anything, only agreed. I just trusted my Lord so I helped Alfred and the night before him leaving, he stayed at our house because nobody could drive him to the airport except me. That night I felt the hardest night of my life, he kept talking with the OW for a while, then he called her but she didn’t answer (she was mad) and when he finally came to bed he turned his back on me all night, I never felt so rejected by the person I loved the most, and this was just only the beginning.
When we got to the airport I hugged him and told him that I might never see him again but I wished him the best. He left and when I thought everything was lost, my Lord stepped in and as soon as Alfred got to USA, the migration agent saw something in him (only God knows what) and took him apart for more questions, he checked Alfred’s phone and found out his plans to stay in USA with this OW so he denied the entrance and sent him back to our country! I received a call that day to pick him up at night at the airport. Alfred told me the agent even questioned him about cheating! Can you believe it??? God speaks in so many ways.
But Alfred refused to listen and returned to his mom’s house.
Zhenya, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
Alfred kept coming to the house every day even during COVID quarantine and we were friends, God even gave the opportunity to help him to start a new business.
On the other hand, his relationship with the OW (in my eyes) grew stronger. They were texting each other all the time!!!! I wanted to take that phone and throw it to the floor! They were speaking all day and night long! It literally drove me crazy! But only God was able to stop me from reacting in the flesh.
The most difficult part was to let go, I couldn’t let him go but I had to give Alfred completely to God and win him without a word as the book says. It was impossible for me, but when I asked God to do it for me, He helped me. I started to let go little by little every time.
We continued our friendship when he realized I was not trying to hold on to him. I used to beg God to take me out of the “friend-zone” because I felt stuck there. And after months, he broke up with this woman and told me she was ugly and crazy and threatened to kill herself if he’d leave her (how crazy to think that at the beginning he thought she was ‘perfect’!)
We got back together and were like newlyweds for 3 weeks, everything was perfect and I was more than happy that he was finally home, until I started to see him differently.
Later, I discovered he had a new OW near to us! I couldn’t believe it! I asked God Why again???? I couldn’t go through the same again, I wrestled with God and I felt He was doing nothing, so I told Alfred I found out about this other person and he told me he was going to leave her but never did. It only made it worse because since everything was known, I felt humiliated every time he left. Eventually I had to ask God for forgiveness in trying to do it on my own and with all this pain in my heart I humbled myself under His mighty hand so He could exalt me at the proper time, casting all my anxieties on Him, because He cares for me. (1 Peter 5:6)
Only God knew why this happened. I guess I needed to go to the last refining fire. I started to see how week after week the adulterous relationship got stronger but I kept praying Psalm 92:7, 11, 15 (“Though the wicked sprout like weeds and evildoers flourish, they will be destroyed forever. My eyes have seen the downfall of my enemies; my ears have heard the defeat of my wicked opponents. But the godly will flourish like palm trees and grow strong like the cedars of Lebanon. They will declare, “The Lord is just! He is my rock! There is no evil in him!””)
Alfred kept living with me and I was dying inside every time I saw him texting her while smiling, or going out of the house to call her, listening to “love songs” and I asked and begged God to make him leave, to take him away from our house! My flesh wanted to kick him out again and quit (I actually wanted to quit every single day) but for some reason God told me not to separate to open the door to the devil even more and to not quit. If I didn’t do all the things that came to my mind it is because God is able to do infinitely more than I could think and because when I am weak He is so much stronger! When things got unbearable in the house I would excuse myself and made a point to leave the room to literally take my eyes off of Alfred and his actions, or even in the same room I would put on my earphones and play worship music to put my eyes and thoughts on God. I would read His Word and suddenly all that I read was becoming alive, all the stories were related to my situation and His promises became alive only if I was brave enough to believe them.
Later on, God gave me the eyes to see things differently and every time I let Alfred go the Lord would bless me for that. One day I had the opportunity to spend some days away for work (by the way, I had been asking God to take me away from here, I needed some time out, only He and I) He answered my prayer, but at the same time I didn’t want to go because I feared Alfred in my absence would go running to the OW, but I said to God I would not try to control anything, so I left for 3 days and to my surprise my Lord changed Alfred’s heart in my absence and he not only didn’t see the OW that weekend but he kept calling me and even told me that he didn’t know what was happening but he was missing me so much! And the trip was unforgettable, I got to spend time alone with the Lord in a beautiful place.
When I was close to my breakthrough, everything was getting worse and worse. I kept being kind, with a gentle and quiet spirit, respectful and not telling him anything. Acting as the Wise Woman book says. God became my Greatest and Only Counselor and Comfort. I cried in the bathroom, at night, while cooking, etc. asking God to save me from idolatry for Alfred, to save me from my lack of faith, to save me from myself and to save my marriage. By that time Alfred would spend days at the OW’s house. He was mean to me but I kept quiet. He used to wash the car, get dressed and cut his hair to go see her.
At first, I was in complete hell, only thinking about what they were doing, but after I focused on my Lord He healed me, at the beginning I kept declaring God’s Word but I saw nothing changed (in my timeline) and later, I realized I let go when I was no longer worried, I was able to take captive every thought and replace it with God’s word and days later I noticed I was being healed and the fear was taken away by my Love. I was able to go on with my day, my own activities and I even chose the day or days Alfred was gone to ask the Lord to invite me to have lunch or dinner at my favorite place. I took that time to read God’s Word in a coffee place, and to spend time with Him only, talk to Him and praise Him for comfort, healing and it gave me hope to know Who He is. I was in complete peace that surpasses all understanding!
In the meantime, Alfred showed such coldness towards me most of the time as his wife, he looked at us as roommates if I was lucky but it no longer hurt because I became “a crown of beauty in the hand oh my Lord” (Isaiah 62:3-4). Months passed by and I kept counting the days. What I didn’t know is that God was training me to be patient and was healing me in the middle of the storm. He showed me I don’t need Alfred to make things right to heal my heart, I was finally free, full of peace! At some point God was faithful in showing me the ‘unreal happiness of sin’: every time Alfred was about to leave to see her, I knew in advance because his face changed, his countenance was full of shame and guilt, even his posture changed to a defeated one, and he was sad, he was literally entangled by the cords of his sin, he became less caring about his clothes and appearance when he left to see her, but he truly couldn’t leave her, he was a complete slave of the enemy, he tried to cover his unhappiness, but my Lord showed me the truth behind that face so I became more confident of my promise that God would part the Red Sea for me again. And I started to pray even more for Alfred’s salvation. I knew that was all that he needed.
I didn’t tell anybody about my situation to avoid confusion in my mind with everyone’s opinion, only God and I knew about my situation and Alfred’s closest family. Not my mom, not the pastor, not even my best friend knew about it and it was such a blessing to be led only by my Heavenly Husband according to Hosea 2:16
Tell us HOW it happened, Zhenya? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Zhenya, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
Not at all, it was a sudden miracle. It seemed to me Alfred was having the time of his life and spending more and more time with this OW and her family.
Near Christmas, Alfred announced with no remorse at all he was going to spend Dec 24th with me, and Dec 25th with her. And same in New Year (Dec 31st with me, and Jan 1st with her). It is true that when your restoration is close, the fiery furnace is heated up to 7 times!
When he said it, I felt humiliated but I only nodded and brought it all up to God, telling Him to deliver me and give me a miracle but if it was not His Will it was because all these things were completely necessary for my restoration and our salvation. Accepting His will in humility was what God taught me perfectly.
At one point I became tired of asking, I remember there were times I asked the Lord to not do anything, just to stay really close to me while I cried.
Alfred spent Dec 24th with me but kept taking pictures (without me) to send to the OW and chatting with her. At that point I already learned to take my eyes off of him and look to my Lord only and speak to Him about my struggles and pain. That night I had a dream about Alfred telling me he was returning at 5 pm. The next day on Dec 25th my husband left to be with her, he even bought Christmas gifts for her child (we don’t have any children, only pets). He didn’t return at 5. I felt disappointed but not discouraged. I knew God was all I needed and He would bring him in his own timing.
And on Dec 26th Alfred texted me saying he was feeling so hard in his heart that the Lord was calling him home and calling him to change his ways. God took off the scales off his eyes!!! I told him: ‘I am sure you will make the right decision, you are welcome home’ and that was it. And later that day I saw he posted a prayer request on our church Facebook page asking God for our marriage!!!
I didn’t want to get too excited since every time he told me he was going to leave her it seemed like he returned more in love with her because “she always had the perfect words” to keep him with her. He told me that once.
Alfred didn’t return the day he texted me, it was the next day but he came and said nothing and neither did I. Meanwhile I was praying to God to give me the words to tell him only if Alfred would bring the subject to the table. God did.
When Alfred asked what I thought about him fully returning home, I said very respectfully: ‘I wish more than you that this nightmare would be over, but when you have said you would break up with her it only becomes worse, so I would love to hear that this is not a mere feeling but something that you already did’.
He nodded and said: “Me too.”
When the New Year celebration came, he didn’t leave and told me he was not going to see the OW, and hopefully he was not going to see her ever again.
I stayed quiet thanking my Heavenly Husband for such a miracle!
We prayed and Alfred thanked God for changing his feelings!!! Something I prayed for all along. God turned Alfred’s heart back to me!!!!!
I saw him texting her for some days after that but I begged God to stop me from messing my promise with my contentiousness or jealousy.
I waited on God and later Alfred told me this woman didn’t let him go and was pushing him to go back to her.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Zhenya?
I ordered all the books from the site, I completed all the courses and read all the books of testimonies, so I knew it was just a matter of time to receive my promise.
I started with Course 1 (based on the book How God can and will restore your marriage); then continued with course 2 and 3, and a Wise Woman.
All the Testimonies gave me hope (By the Word of their Testimonies pack)
Psalms and Proverbs just brought such healing in my heart that nothing can compare. I highly recommend reading the Bible and hold on to God’s promises!
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Zhenya?
Of course, I do it regularly with women in Facebook groups
Either way, Zhenya, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
All this nightmare was for me to change, to bring me close to my Lord and to get rid of the idolatry I had for Alfred. It took me months to accept it but when I finally did it, God forgave me, gave me many opportunities and was patient and helped me to get rid of all that.
Before my marriage crisis I was so contentious, selfish and always felt superior to my husband. Always wanted my way and will. I was such a feminist and proud woman. And after reading the book of How God Can and Will Restore your Marriage, I applied all the principles and God was the one that finally changed my heart, later his heart and finally brought him home emotionally. Alfred says I have changed and he finally feels loved! This is such a compliment for me. I know God has made me new and I feel happy to love like He does love me! I feel so loved by my Heavenly Husband that I can freely love Alfred like God intended me to do.
I don’t need to tell Alfred how much I suffered from all his actions, God knows and He already gave me my reward. The past is gone and God has taken away all root of bitterness, resentment and need of vengeance, I know Who is my Defender and He knows justice.
I didn’t have to fight this battle, I didn’t confront the OWs, nor Alfred, I just stood still and watched Him fight for me. And when I messed up big, He lovingly would turn things around for His glory! What God promised is what He gave! 
He took a heart of stone from both of us and gave us a heart of flesh!
I am and will be forever grateful for His immense love for me, for allowing such brokenness in order to rebuild my new heart, for speaking to me every time I felt like dying, for being so close in my darkest moments whether I felt it or not, for giving me songs of hope, for keeping me sane throughout all the mess that was happening around me, for leading me to the ministry that taught me to be a Wise Woman, to love the unlovable, to be submissive, to let my husband be the head of the house and the spiritual leader, to tithe to my storehouse (I saw huge blessings in doing it), to live an Abundant Life close to my Father and Lord, to not trust my eyes but to trust only in His truth, to obey His word and Love Him with all my heart and He would do the rest. I will never stop recommending all the resources, the videos, devotionals, praise reports and so much more.
All glory to my precious God for not failing me, for giving me hope, for showing me how Great He is through the Bible and specially through Psalms daily reading.
"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3
"You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world” 1 John 4:4
"And do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2
“no weapon formed against you will prosper, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord.” Isaiah 54:17
"For thus says the LORD of hosts, ‘Once more in a little while, I am going to shake the heavens and the earth, the sea also and the dry land . . . The latter glory of this house will be greater than the former,’ says the LORD of hosts, ‘and in this place I will give peace,’ declares the LORD of hosts” Hag. 2:6, 9
"God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent; Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?” Numbers 23:19
"My soul waits in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him.” Psalm 62:5
“But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.” Micah 7:7
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.” 2 Timothy 4:7-8
Find more understanding and to overcome the hurdles: #Contentious Woman and #Letting Go simply click on the #TAG linked to Restored Marriage Testimonies.
Filed under hashtags#: contentious, letting go, emotionally healed
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You'll find this in By the Word of Their Testimony (Book 10): "Blessings will Come and Overtake You"
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