A new beginning

“Then Job answered the Lord, ‘I know that You can do all things, and that none of Your purposes can be thwarted.’” J4212

Isn’t it wonderful that no matter what happens, God remains in control of our lives and continues with His plans for well-being to give us a good future and hope? Today I write this testimony with a joyful heart and trust in the goodness of the Lord, who has NEVER abandoned me, who still has the same plan for my life as when I was born because He does not change His way of thinking, He is faithful even when we have not always been faithful. I am excited to think of the blessings He has prepared for my life once I can cross this valley worshiping Him, holding His hand tightly while I look at Him delicately like a Bride in love.

At the end of last year my husband was on a work trip outside the country where we live, one day he wrote to me "I love that we can have that connection" days later he sent me another text message at the beginning of the year in which he let me know that he was already seriously considering having children, The days passed and we met again at home, a few days later we again had a visit from this partner of my husband and his girlfriend, whom I spoke about in my last Praise Report "Trampled by pigs".

One Friday, I felt encouraged by my Heavenly Husband to leave love notes for my earthly husband. I started doing it that Friday. He read the first one at night and said, “Thank you, I have something for you too.” When he said it, I felt like he was talking to me like in the past when he had “bad news” for me, but I didn’t pay attention and decided to think positively. On Monday after lunch, while I was washing the dishes, he said, “I have a letter for you. Here it is for you to read.” And he said goodbye as usual, but my spirit told me something was not right.

Before reading the letter I told the Lord to cover my heart from anything painful I read, which He did. In the letter my earthly husband praised me according to his words for: “being a great and incredible woman, concerned, attentive, helpful and above all constant, he said that I have been his companion all this time, that he thanks me for being good to him, since he feels very blessed”, but he also explained his dissatisfactions to me, among them the main one is that he said he does not want to have children as I want, [he heard in the office they said “how sad it must be for the person in the couple who does want children and has to live with their dream frustrated because the other does not want them” which planted in him the idea that it is better for me to leave me free so that I can have children with another man, this comment comes from his coworker and his girlfriend, whom I spoke about in my last praise report "Trampled by pigs"], he expressed he does not feel a connection between us, we both go at different places because he said he does not want to do things God's way like me —this without me having told him anything about it—, he said he knew who I was when we got married —referring to the worldly “Christian” that I was— but he said I had changed a lot and he felt we didn’t fit together, so now we don’t share in the same way as back then, he said he doesn’t find himself, he doesn’t feel complete and he is also dissatisfied with his job —which he loved to do— and is thinking of quitting.

When I finished reading, my Beloved covered my heart with an overwhelming peace. There was not a single tear, only peace and trust in HIM. HE made me read the lesson for restored women, the lesson of "kindness on her tongue" and "a gentle and quiet spirit" from the Wise Woman book. Since my husband asked me to give him my opinion about his letter, I responded with a letter as my Beloved guided me, I agreed on everything lovingly and expressed to him I would continue to be happy with or without children, which was not a reason to worry. That day he decided to return home early so he read the letter in front of me right when I finished writing it.

He was crying when he called me into the living room to talk to him, I was at complete peace without a tear, I had a compassionate heart and asked him how he felt... He opened his heart rooted in his destructive thoughts and persuaded me to tell him our relationship had no future, convincing me that the best thing was for me to get away from him to be happy —no matter how much I said I was already happy— and that we should end our relationship. He said he felt very incomplete, my Beloved made me understand that it was because He was not in his heart, that is why I only have praise to my sweet Heavenly Husband, because He gave me a gentle and quiet heart for that moment, I could only understand him, be compassionate, and soft in my words, I agreed with him, but I was also able to express to him that in no way was it in my plans to end the relationship, when he said he did not want things God's way and he wanted to do things his way, my Beloved told me "he rejects Me, not you"... I think that is why I had so much peace, because I knew HE was there with me holding my heart, but also because I could clearly see how deceived it is and how the enemy has manipulated it.

That night we didn’t talk about it anymore. The next day I went back to my daily household activities. He expected me not to pay attention to him, to be angry… but I continued as if nothing had happened. So when he came to lunch he was very harsh and insisted on the subject, persuading me to tell him that we should separate. He was so insistent… but I stood firm that it wasn’t something I wanted to do and that I wasn’t even going to say it. So, he angrily said, “Why are you making me look like the bad guy? Ok, then I’ll say it. We’re separating so you have to think about whether you want me to leave the house or if you leave.” To which I kindly said, “Ok, I’m not going to stand in your way,” and immediately his hard face collapsed. From then on, I continued to show him compassion and service, because I know that is what my Heavenly Husband expects of me and I sincerely have no resentment or anger towards my husband because I clearly see that this is spiritual. My husband thanked me because the atmosphere at home is peaceful despite, and said “we have matured and we can talk calmly without fighting” without a doubt in the middle of all this is my Precious Husband who gives me grace and does not abandon me!

Even so, I had to step aside and seek my Heavenly Husband intensely for several days. I needed to clarify with Him why all this was happening. Many of the words my earthly husband said made me think I was the only one responsible since I believed that it was because of His unconditional love through me that he would come to the knowledge of the Lord, therefore I thought that surely I had failed in my duty. I ran to my Beloved in search of answers. Where did I go wrong? The first thing He indicated to me through His Word is that “the matter was not with me but directly against Him” and then He added that “He would silence the liars.”

But, with all of that, I continued to feel guilty, I reviewed the Wise Woman book with my Husband and went chapter by chapter asking and meditating if I had failed to follow the principles. Dear ones, I am NOT perfect, but I did not feel convicted of sin, it was when my Beloved said to me:
—What are you accused of? And I said
—of wanting to have children and that we have no connection, then He said to me
—And which of those things are wrong? Then I said to Him,
—Your will is that we have children so it is fine and the connection was something that You and I were talking about, I gave it to you in prayer...
—“...what communion can the light have with the darkness?” 2C614
— uhm then, basically we are not on the same path. One of the two must join the other and you have been talking to me about not letting myself be contaminated, so clearly I am not the one who must join him in his ways.

Feeling guilt-free made all the difference in my heart! I was able to be free from the sad thoughts that were burdening me with a guilt that was not mine and I did not have to carry. When I finally hugged it—which took me a few days to do— I was able to feel happy with the situation because I understood He is working in my husband and it is His journey with him. In some way, He has made me know deep inside it is also His way of protecting me from things He wants my husband to go through and He does not want me to be there to witness it and make it difficult for me. So I began to be grateful for everything is happening in my life, even though everything seems to be going against me and it seems that now my enemies have multiplied, because I feel I am being attacked on several fronts: health, my dream of motherhood, marriage, finances...

Still, I am grateful to HIM for all He has helped me with, He gave me the grace I needed to get through this period peacefully because I have been able to sleep peacefully trusting in His love and care (my earthly husband has told me that he has not been able to sleep), He is a wonderful Husband. I already know what it is to be without both my Heavenly Husband and my earthly husband and the only One I would never ever ever want to lose is my precious and adored Heavenly Husband, with HIM by my side I am satisfied, so no matter what I have to go through I just want HIM to go with me. I am convinced all of this is working for my good, and I am celebrating all of the blessings HE is preparing for me as I go through this valley.

I am grateful to Him because He prepared me by reading many resources strengthened me spiritually to be more confident in Him, with the materials we shared in the RMIOU Reading Club. Thanks to Him, I was able to go through this period with a completely renewed and different attitude than before. This time I am not dominated by fear, but I have more faith and hope. My calm and gentle attitude has undoubtedly made the difference. Now I feel very joyful as I think about what my Heavenly Husband is preparing for me behind all these black storm clouds.

“Though the fig tree does not blossom, and there are no fruit on the vines, though the olive crop fails, and the fields yield no food, and the sheep are cut off from the fold, and there are no herds in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, and be joyful in God my Savior. The Lord GOD is my strength, who makes my feet like hinds’ feet, and makes me walk on my high places.” H31719

“You will show me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forever.” S1611

He reminded me just at the end of the 8th marriage year that means "new beginnings", He opened this door of a new beginning for me and wonderfully confirmed it through Erin, who of course didn't know it before, showing me that HE is in control and that everything is going according to His calendar!!

Dear ones, I know this doesn’t seem like the happy ending we want to hear (maybe because it’s not the end of my testimony yet 🙂 ), but many of you are still longing for your earthly marriages and husbands, I have been asked like Abraham to deliver the promise that I had already given birth to, to deliver my marriage restoration and I believe He will provide the sacrificial lamb in time, so I am not afraid anymore, as I mentioned we are all on this journey according to our level of faith, and He trusts us to give us proofs and testimonies that glorify His name and that can be used to attract more women and men in need of His love and healing. DO NOT be afraid, we all have different journeys and the Lord gives us the grace to endure any situation that comes into our lives, I can tell you that I am living it and I am still alive to tell about it!

“I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will triumph over death” J1925.