Confessing my sins to others….Wow!!!!! You really don't know when your HH is going to make you speak up about something and get the response as the one I had.
I went to meet some of my good friends with whom last year I spoke bad things about my eh, it was the time of my troubled relationship with him, and that, for me, everything he was doing was bad and I was the good one. They reacted badly about the things I told my eh was doing, supposedly, to me. Many times before I had a chance to tell them that I was responsible for my actions and have learned a lot of things, but this time was different.
We went to dinner and one of my friends asked me how I was, how was my relationship with my eh doing, and there, I had the chance to speak about my love, not for my eh but for my HH. I told them that things were working, but what matter the most to me was what I found in the Lord. I learned to love Him with all my heart and learned to seek Him first in everything. I told them that God used what was happening in my marriage to get close to Him, and He started working in my life for me to see the sins and errors I committed. I told them that I was happy, because now I knew what matter the most, finding the Lord and seeking Him constantly.
The Lord gave me the chance to speak good about my EH, and apologize! That he was the one since we were dating, who gave me unconditional love, and that now it was my chance to give him the same unconditional love, only better because this one is guided by God.
One of my friends said that she could see me happy, she saw my changes and knew I was doing fine, and then she said she wishes to find that same relationship. I cannot explain what I was feeling in that moment when my HH gave me the chance to confess my sins in front of my friends, but what I can tell you is that it was my chance to redeem myself and He did it.
I told them that this year has been the hardest but at the same time the best of my life. I am not the same person and now I am very happy and am learning to love others the way God loves me. One of my friends even said she got goosebumps for that because she thought she needed to love herself first before loving others, and I told her that when you feel the love of the Lord in your life, it's easier for us to love others. Then, one of my friends simply hugged me and said they were really proud of me and happy that I could see my flaws in my life and marriage.
We cried and laugh, but the best of all is that I could speak about my love for my HH, and share Him with my friends. Is good to know that the changes He had made in my life are being reflected in the way I live and act, and simply others can see, Praise my HH!
Now what I need to learn is to be prepared for what comes after you do something that is pleasing to the Lord. After I did this my trials got harder, my eh started acting distant, the texts and time spent on his phone were more than before, and our kids, who are usually well behaved, started acting rebel. And on Sunday, my EH did something that got me so mad that I reacted, but now I can say that it was my HH who protected m because my eh did not imagine that my actions were for what he was doing, but for how our daughter was behaving. I went to a place I couldn't take it anymore, and simply got up and left, but there I knew that nothing that was happening was from my HH and I needed to calm myself.
Now I know that things only get harder when you get closer to what our HH wants in our lives. I don't know what's ahead, but I need to keep my eyes on my HH to make it through.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I know I am a sinner, and sin against God constantly, but am learning to confess my transgressions and know that my God is faithful and He forgives me.” 1 John 1:9 (NIV)
~ Delilah in Belice
