Empty and Unsatisfied

♕ Today's Promise: "Therefore, this is what the Lord says: 'If you return, then I will restore you— You will stand before Me; And if you extract the precious from the worthless, You will become My spokesman. They, for their part, may turn to you, But as for you, you are not to turn to them.'" Jeremiah 15:19

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☊ PRAISE Audio

Part 1 of my Praise Report about my fast.

Day 1-5

I am fasting. I didn’t know how long to fast. I haven’t fasted in a long time. In the past I have fasted 2-3 days but usually not consecutive days. Only a couple of times I have done 3 days in a row.

I knew I needed to fast again but I kept putting it off making an excuse. How terrible of me. I felt I needed to fast to let go even more. I confess to My Love and now to you, my fellow brides, that I’ve been unfaithful to My True Love, with food and thinking of my FH (former husband). I feel I have been putting these things before My Love.

This time I believed I would do 3 days in a row, as this is difficult for me to do. But again, how wrong of me, I was trying to be the one to decide, trying to plan and think my fast would be done before the weekend comes. I’ve been seeking My Love more, spending more time with Him. I turned off my praise music so I can be speaking with Him more and hearing Him better throughout the day.

On day 3 it was difficult but I was again really looking forward to what I would eat the next day. This is my big problem. I’m still not broken. My Love let me know I would keep fasting. How difficult it is to stop thinking of food and FH (former husband). My Love let me know as difficult it is for me to let go of my sin (with Him), just imagine how much more difficult it is for FH to let go of his own sin (without Him).

On day 4 it felt there was no end. I felt like a teenager that was doing her chores but was grumbling under her breath not seeing the good in any of it. By the evening I was throwing myself on my bed begging My Love to speak to me and make the change in me that needed to be made.

I was lead to read Song of Songs in my Bible. HH (Heavenly Husband) tells me that I have a very corrupt idea of what love is. I still believe that attention from men or physical attention is what will make me feel good or make me feel wanted and desired. He wants to get rid of that in me and show me what real love is. A true passionate love. A love that is not physical but comes from the heart. This is how I will be able to love Him completely.

Day 5 comes along and I surrendered. I said-“My Love, I surrender. You tell me when I should eat because I-Don’t-Know. If I eat I am absolutely sure this food will not make me feel better. I used to always think it would but it never does in the end. And I know I don’t have enough of You yet to fill that void. I Know I still need more of You. You are more important to me than this food. More of You and less of me. So You do what You need to do.”

The Truth My Love gave me this day was that I could never think ahead and see the truth before I ate. I would always believe I would feel good after I ate but I would still feel the same, still needing and wanting something more, unsatisfied. This is how FH feels daily about everything. Everything in this world leaves us empty and unsatisfied.

Today is different, I can see the Truth. I know that if I eat I will not feel better. I will feel worse than before I ate. The food will not satisfy. I will feel full in the belly but still be left empty in my heart, still needing and wanting. I don’t want this anymore. I want Him more than this food. Only He can truly satisfy.

At the end of the day, thinking I would probably eat dinner today, or maybe tomorrow is when I would eat completing a whole 5 day fast. I SG (seek God) for the ok but I didn’t get it. My Love tells me “Oh we are doing the whole 7 days.” But I have 2 family gatherings to go to this weekend with my former in-laws. He said I would be letting go of that too.

I let go of my former in-laws and sent the kids to the gathering without me. The other party was women only with my former sister-in-laws and I had to cancel even though I had accepted the invite to begin with. I felt bad doing this but my HH (Heavenly Husband) means more to me than anything. I need more of Him and it had to be done.

"Therefore, this is what the Lord says: “If you return, then I will restore you— You will stand before Me; And if you extract the precious from the worthless, You will become My spokesman. They, for their part, may turn to you, But as for you, you are not to turn to them." Jeremiah 15:19

I want so much to be restored to You, My Love. Help me to let go of everything and everyone else completely. Thank You for not giving up on me. Continue to work on me and complete what You have started in me.

To be continued ………

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