♕ Today's Promise: “Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burdens, The God who is our salvation.” Psalm 68:19
Claire, how did your restoration actually begin?
I thought my marriage was solid and strong until my husband began commuting and working in another city, which was about two hours away. That’s where he got involved with the OW and my world fell apart. After only commuting for a few months, he arrived home one weekend and said he wanted to separate. I was shocked. We had been having issues for almost four years. We were together for twelve years (being married only six years), after living together. Now, I know that I'd built my marriage on sinking sand, on sin, and because of this, my world ended when all this happened.
After he packed and left home, I found out that the OW had come to town with him, and they left together. When he left me, left us, he was like someone I didn't even know. He didn't even care about anything but his happiness and being with this woman. He didn't care to know how we would pay the bills or rent. He didn't even talk to our daughter, who asked about him every day. She was always very attached to him, a real daddy's girl. The highlight of her day was when he came home from work.
How did God change your situation, Claire, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
As soon as he left, God had already placed a person I had not even expected into my life⸺an ex-wife of one of my husband's co-workers. I already knew her, but we had no relationship; certainly, we weren't friends. Yet one day, she approached me, when she saw me in the grocery store and told me about how she'd found peace when her husband cheated on her⸺that she was living the Abundant Life. I didn't really want to just move on; I honestly didn't know what I wanted. So I agreed to go have coffee with her, and she told me about this FREE course she was taking online. I could see she was glowing, and I was intrigued, but I was also a bit afraid of what she'd gotten into.
I was so very hurt, so sad, that I just cried nonstop. I lost close to thirty pounds in the first month⸺I just couldn't eat. I didn't go out; I just cried. This ex-wife I mentioned contacted me again and shared a link to purchase restored marriage Testimonies, from several eBooks. I'd been searching the internet for testimonials of restored marriages, and I found RMI again. So I thought, "this must be God," so I downloaded the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. I started reading it, and it was then that God broke me. I saw how wrong I was as a wife and mother. Prior to this, I thought it was all my husband’s fault and blamed everything on him and the OW.
It clicked right away. I changed my thinking and my way of seeing things. From there, I learned to pray the right way. I prayed with my heart full of thanksgiving, and I no longer pleaded with God to change my husband. I wanted to be changed, and that's when I read something in the Encourager that led me to begin taking the Finding the Abundant Life course, and I knew, I just knew, what my new friend was trying to tell me!
After the third FAL chapter, my husband called, and we began talking by phone. He'd sneak away from the OW to find out how I was. In the beginning, when he first tried calling, it almost always ended in huge arguments and nasty fights. But once I had a gentle and quiet spirit, I no longer was desperate. I know now (because he told me after we restored) that when he thought he was losing me, he got scared, which he said is why he called me all the time.
"As long as it takes" is what I told God when I thought of restoration. Having a close friend who was also His bride helped me be able to embrace my new life and let go. I learned much in such a short amount of time! When my EH wanted to sell our house, I agreed quickly and happily moved in with my father. We ultimately stayed there for only two months, but I didn't care if it took years. I was living my Abundant Life as His bride, and I was just happy.
As God would have it, my EH only lived with the OW about a month, and then she kicked him out after she caught him calling me. The more I became closer to my Beloved and let God restore my marriage (if that was His will for my life), the more my husband called, came by and asked about things in my life. I was able to tell him how happy I was in my new life as a bride.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Claire, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
I learned that first, we have to focus on ourselves and that we can't change ourselves, either. Only God can change us, through the washing of His Word and the love we get from our HH. When we accept this as truth and let ourselves be broken, then He can start to heal us through His Word and His love. God's ways are perfect. He takes care of every detail. The RYM book is great. I purchased a case and have given it out to many friends.
Before my best friend's marriage collapsed, I wanted to help her, so I gave her one of the books. Yet, she didn't really think she needed restoring. So we began doing A Wise Woman, course 3, together, and she was able to see how little she knew about being a wife and mother. The online lessons, along with the testimonies helped me and helped her too.
Everything you offer helps us emotionally as women. Marriage problems are very painful when we lose someone who we love and who we thought loved us too. I never lost anyone in my life before this. But I believe the pain is necessary to get our attention. I wanted to die, so I wouldn't have to go through it. Soon, I changed my mind, when I remembered I had a little girl who needed me. All I can say is how thankful I am that someone reached out to me, offering me hope. As I said, I knew about RMI, but I really didn't know what it was all about. This is why I try to reach out and let women know what I've come through, and I offer my support to get them set on the right path and journey.
We have to be the kind of wives God sees as precious, Wise Women. I didn't know that was anything God was interested in. I had no understanding of the Word, even though I'd grown up in the church. What I learned here, in just a couple of weeks, was enough for me to change my life forever. My prayers were heard. God answered me quickly when I cried out to Him. Many times a day, I mention something to my Beloved, and sometimes a response happens the very next day! He is wonderful!!!
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Claire?
There were many. The beginning was the hardest. You discover so many of your faults early on in your journey. There are many things that you, yourself, contributed to destroy your own life; it is devastating. The worst is when the enemy attacks you, using your husband, through words of hate, void of love. Contempt is expressed; the hate wall is erected. It's terrible that it appears like he's so good and happy, while we're so destroyed
Claire, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
More than three times, I thought about giving up. I asked God to take away the feeling I had for my husband. I didn't want to suffer anymore. But the Lord gave me dreams of when we were together and happy, and I woke up with new hope. Then, I realized God wanted me to give up and give it to Him. As a Bride, the pain melts away.
A week after I became my HH’s bride, my husband started calling me. When he called, I was always calm, always full of joy. I didn't respond curtly or sarcastically, which always had created more friction between us. I believe most women do this, too. Occasionally, he would be rude, but even then, I never got upset. It wasn't because I was hiding it either. I just no longer reacted, because I had a Lover.
I knew I was close to restoration. In a matter of three days, he called me about ten times a day. He told me he purchased a new car and had a new job. Then in one week, everything changed. He rented a lovely home by the beach and called us, asking us if we wanted to come live with him. It was all so sudden! The transition was not easy. It was difficult to have as much time with my HH as I’d come to enjoy. Also, after we were restored, the enemy attacked me/us even more. I just held tight to my HH, when my EH tried to go back to the OW. But she didn't want him, which was such a shock. I knew it was God turning her heart away from my EH.
As you say to us, over and over again, it's after our husbands are back that it gets difficult. The enemy is just waiting around for a crack. Yet, if we remain steadfast to our First Love, then there is nothing anyone can do to harm us.
Tell us HOW it happened, Claire. Did your husband just walk in the front door? Claire, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
He called me and said everything was all wrong. Each time we talked, it was clear he wanted to be a family again. He asked for forgiveness almost every time we talked, which I know is not at all common. I believe this is because I told God I didn't care if he ever asked for forgiveness.
As I already said, after my husband got a new job, he asked us to move in with him. I thank God we are more than fine now. Another three times, so far, the enemy has already tried to break us up. Yet, each time I find myself closer to my HH, and that, in turn, causes my husband to get closer to me, and our relationship as a married couple becomes stronger.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Claire?
All of them!! The books and online courses, the videos, and all you offer for FREE is wonderful. Read Psalms & Proverbs. Follow and listen to God, only. The people around you do not know what is deep in your heart. God only knows what's best for us, He will lead us to an abundant life.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Claire?
Yes, it’s important that we reach out and be willing to make ourselves available to women who are facing marriage crisis. I have Become a Minister, ministering more in my neighborhood than online so far.
Either way, Claire, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Once the contentious woman is gone, the only way she won't come back is to become His bride. The enemy uses our own husbands to hurt us with words, unfaithfulness and an uncaring attitude. As Erin says, don’t snoop around. The only way to be at peace is to let go and let God restore your life and marriage. Your husband is only won without a word. Let Him take care of every detail. Focus on your relationship with your HH.
Want even MORE Restored Marriage Testimonies to study and learn the linked principles to encourage you?
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