RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “An Object of Loathing”

♕ Today's Promise: "You oh God have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out.” Psalm 88:8. 

 

 

☊ RMT Praise

Evelyn, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?

It started unexpectedly. My earthly husband (Abel) and I are pastors and married 12 years next month. We always talked, we had a lot of fun, and we were examples for other couples, especially young people. At the end of last year, Abel started to distance himself. I work on Saturdays, and every Saturday when I arrived back home, he was there at home with our baby as they went to the mall every Saturday and he didn't want me to go with him. Abel kept getting more and more distant, he didn't pay attention to me as before and then he would start a fight saying that we were having a boring relationship. Believe it or not, I thought everything was “normal” what every couple went through and despite the signs, I thought all was fine. Then suddenly in February, my world collapsed. One day Abel began to shout at me and said he was no longer my husband, out of nowhere he said that I could no longer call him a husband because he was no longer my husband. I did not know what to do, I suffered tremendously because I thought I had the perfect marriage. And after that he started treating me like a stranger, actually worse, like a person that he hated, just ignored, or shouted at, horribly mistreated. But it was clear that this was not Abel, that I was dealing with something worse. After reading the book (How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage), I understood when Abel said he was no longer my husband, because all along I had an HH (Heavenly Husband). A Husband I had ignored and mistreated.

How did God change your situation, Evelyn, as you sought Him wholeheartedly? 

I discovered the book How God Can Restore your marriage and everything in my life changed. I started to see the fool that I was and how selfish I was, I was the head of the house, not Abel. Like all women I gloried in being in charge, being a strong woman when I was nothing but a fool. I recognized my mistakes and thought that everything would change, but things got worse and worse, and there was a huge chasm, a void between us. The only person I had was my HH, I just talked, cried, prayed, with HIM and our relationship grew to what it needed to be.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Evelyn, did the Lord teach you during this trial? 

The principle of the Word of God that the woman must know to build their lives on. How could I have grown up in the church and gone through seminary, taught women and not have known anything that Erin taught is in her books? The beauty and freedom to be submissive to your husband “as unto the Lord” (meaning we can show our HH our love by doing what He asks and trusting Him). Also, that the husband is the head of the wife. And the book's principle of letting go, goodness, that was very difficult to grasp, but it worked, even though I was not seeing it happening, my Beloved was working. And keeping silent at all times was and still has been very difficult, but it really was the most precious principle, which avoids many pains. These principles aren’t just for marriage either. The way He helped me practice them in every area of my life enriched my life beyond what I ever imagined.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Evelyn?

It was to see Abel, who always had hurried home to see his family, always arriving very late. He left work at 6 in the morning and would arrive back home sometimes 22 or 23 hours later. In the beginning I asked if there was a meeting, he said no, he came late because he wanted to. Abel couldn’t stand the sight of me. Thankfully I learned to remain silent soon after and saved myself a lot of pain. I became used to a lot of his rudeness, and the many times when he didn't look at me anymore, I was invisible. In this, the principle of letting go helped me a lot, because when I didn't ask, I wasn't mistreated and I didn't suffer. Also understanding this very important principle “You have removed lover and friend far from me; My acquaintances are in darkness.” and “You oh God have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out.” Psalm 88:18-8. 

Evelyn, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?  

I was very afraid to write this testimony because in my heart my marriage was not yet restored. But today I took courage and wrote because, after 8 months of crisis, Abel never left home. Our pastor confided that Abel broke down crying and confessed that he had left a mattress in an empty apartment that we are trying to sell, and that he would leave home and live there. If I had not followed the principles I would have kicked him out of our house. Soon after Abel came to me and confessed the same thing but after he’d thrown away the mattress.

Tell us HOW it happened, Evelyn? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Evelyn, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored? 

Abel never left physically (only due to God’s grace) because I’d been given the book and devoured the truth before I’d made the fatal mistakes of so many women I know and read about. There was no other woman, again only due to the grace of God. Today, he arrives home on time most days, except when he has an important meeting, we talk, he looks at me and we go to church together. Throughout he’s remained to be a good father devoted to our son and I’m thankful has not missed anything due to tearing my house down. We are not yet in love but we are loving and caring towards one another. I let Abel lead in this and watch his cues. I would not have survived if I didn’t have the love of my HH (Heavenly Husband) because he is all I need and Abel’s love and attention is just an added blessing from my Heavenly Father.

Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Evelyn?

I recommend all Erin’s materials, especially the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. I share this book whenever I can with anyone who will listen. There is a friend from work who was fired last week who hugged me and said that maybe she only worked at that shop (where I’d go get coffee) so that on the day she needed it, I handed her the book and told her not to do anything stupid. Today her marriage is completely restored, and she purchased A Wise Woman to learn how to take care of her family. Hallelujah!

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Evelyn? 

I'm already helping but I always want to help more. It’s our duty to spread the truth and save the marriages that are collapsing. We need to be armed with books to give, the site to send them to and the love He bathes us in to be aware of who needs our help.

Either way, Evelyn, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Girls, don't give up! As difficult as it may seem, the loneliness and the feelings of contempt that invade your heart, know that your heart is deceitful. Because your Beloved is working on your behalf, He wants you to trust Him, love Him and make Him your Lover and if you don't do that, if you don’t trust, there is no reason for Him to work on your behalf. He loves you more than you could imagine and takes care of every detail of your life. Count this journey in the desert as a blessing and enjoy what He’s called you to do.

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