♕Today's Promise: "If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out.” Galatians 6:1
Alesia, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?
I always thought we had a good marriage. Yeah, we had our arguments and moments of heated discussions, but I always felt we were grounded: no, not in the Lord, but in our own makings. Then on May 9th just one month before our 25th wedding anniversary, I found out that my husband, Xander, was seeing someone else!
We had become somewhat distant over several months, but I put that blame on our jobs and lack of time together. I was totally devastated and couldn't believe it when I found out. For several weeks I flailed about; I didn't know what to do. I began praying and thinking that I had no right to go to the Lord when I had been so disobedient in the first place, but I was raised in a Christian home and knew who the Lord was, so I felt I had gotten what I deserved.
After many days of crying, not eating, and wondering what I would do, I met a lady that introduced me to RMI. I truly believe the Lord placed this lady in that office that day, just so I would have a place to seek help! You see, the Lord had been trying for years to get me back into His fold and I always said “later.”
Two months after I met this woman and your ministry, Xander moved out and two months after he moved out our divorce was finalized. I just “knew” it wouldn't go through because I trusted God to stop it, but when it did go through I had to come to terms with that and I had to learn about God’s will and why He “let’s” things happen we want Him to stop.
Because I never thought of myself as divorced, I refused to tell anyone that we were. Only a few people knew, which I learned later was a good thing. I could hardly say or write the word “divorced” because you see, divorce was never an “option” for me. I never realized that it is an option that our spouses have and it is an option for God to allow for many reasons.
How did God change your situation, Alesia, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
The way God eventually would be able to changed me was for me to come to the realization that I had many things within myself to work out, and one was that somewhere over the years I started taking Xander for granted. He showed me that the remedy to everything was simply by giving the Lord my marriage and circumstances. That He was the only One who was able to restore what my husband and I had destroyed.
Then, from there, as I truly started reading His Word and learning what the Lord expected from me as His bride, a wife, a mother and as a teacher of younger women, I became content in knowing that the battle was already won. Xander would be home as soon as the Lord was done with ME.
The other thing I learned was about fasting and the right kind of praying and the importance of these things in my life. I often prayed, but never really interacted with the Lord. I used prayers for asking for what I wanted and I never even thought or cared about His will or how He longed for a real intimate relationship with me. And due to this, I realize that it was only a matter of time before God would need to get my attention, which thankfully He did!
God began to change my situation slowly but surely as I sought the Lord. No I didn’t see my situation improve with Xander, but I started seeing changes not just in me, but also in my husband as the Lord started turning his heart.
Not right away of course, but slowly. Each time I got closer to the Lord, He saw fit to move Xander closer to Him and then ultimately to me.
It was amazing how the Lord also saw to it that I heard from Xander at just the right times. Before I let go and made the Lord my Husband (not just when I said it but my life reflected it), I never saw or heard from Xander, which was always my greatest fear. Now that we were divorced and not connected in anyway, I was afraid if I didn’t make contact or if I truly let go as the ministry tells us to, then he would be gone forever.
Yet just as they also say, as soon as I did let go completely, then it didn’t matter, and that is when He was able to show me how much in control He was. He not only allowed my husband to see occasionally, accidentally when I lease expected it. But more importantly, due to these being unplanned it allowed Xander to see me for who I had become and what I had to offer: my love and forgiveness, which I had withheld (before coming to this ministry) in order to hurt him.
Though I never said anything, after learning that to win anyone it is without a word, I could sense Xander could see that I cared for him differently. No longer needy, no longer vulnerable, I had all I needed, which became attractive to him.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Alesia, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
The key principles God taught me were to remain still and allow the Lord to do all the work—He didn't need my help in turning my husband's heart and He didn't need my help in bringing the OW's true colors to light. God promises those things in His Word, so when we get in and mess around, we are not blessed. I allowed the Lord to do what He alone can do, and He did!
Thank God I understood quickly why we are not to pursue or call our spouses— that they need to be completely removed from our hearts!! It's His means of protecting us and protection is something we need during this trial or we will give up and be discouraged. God will protect, but only if we don't let our emotions guide our actions and we go against or reject what you teach us we are supposed to do (all which is based on Scriptures).
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Alesia?
There were many difficult times God brought me through by carrying me. One, I recall, was very early on, before finding your ministry, so my heart was still very tied to my husband. Xander was going to a school out of state and I realized that he was leaving earlier than he needed to and I knew he was leaving and making a stop out of his way. Though he never mentioned visiting the OW, I didn't need to ask. And though he was always very good about keeping in touch with me through the whole time we were apart up until this point, while on this trip, he never called once. He told me he just “needed time to himself.” However, I knew in my heart that he was with her and I spent lots of time crying to the Lord for strength and comfort. Not only did He use it to break me so that I would let go, He blessed me double and gave me wonderful ladies to pray with and begin to minister with. Praise God for these ladies!!! These were the ladies who began meeting together in order for us to grow in the Lord. Now our Home Fellowship meets weekly and we introduce new women to RMI ever week!
Alesia, what was the "turning point” of your restoration?
The turning point of my restoration started in late November. Xander was still torn between coming home and the OW, but thankfully I too was torn. I wasn’t sure I wanted restoration, and I believe this had a huge impact on who my husband finally did choose.
In January he moved to Texas (just a 12-hour drive from us) because he's in the military. That move, though closer to us, also meant he was able to see the OW more often. And that gave him opportunities to see the bitterness emerging in this woman. And that’s when he realized that he wanted to have his family back and we made plans to remarry since we were #divorced.
My decision about who to choose came from God emphasizing His will, not our own, and also about thinking of others as more important than ourselves or our desires. About laying down our lives for our friends, and by now Xander and I were friends again. My husband wanted to do the right thing, and for me not to accept would have been putting my desires over his.
Tell us HOW it happened, Alesia? Did Xander just walk in the front door? Alesia, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
My restoration actually happened in February when Xander called and said he felt he needed to drive home so that we could be remarried two days later! Wow!!
I wasn’t sure I was ready for it to happen that quick! What an unexpected call and how suddenly it all happened. He actually called to see I would be willing to get married again the day he called. And though I still wasn’t sure, God made the way for it to happen. So God brought forth a suddenly in my restoration just as you said it would happen once my priorities were right!! As soon as I honestly didn’t want restoration, but I wanted only Him, it began to happen.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Alesia?
How I found your site from “an angel sent from our Lord” and now wonderful friend who took time to look for hurting women like me even though she was going through things much worse that what I was going through. And after you knew the Lord was first in my life and I would only call on Him when I was in need and lean only on Him, I was given a wonderful e-Partner and even to this day, years later, we still communicate. I can't imagine not having these ladies from our fellowship in my life now. By pouring out, God continues to pour into me. Not only do I recommend all of your resources to everyone I meet, women who don’t live by me I guide in the direction of your website and have heard they too have been amazingly changed and many restored
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Alesia?
Yes
Either way, Alesia, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
I believe that my restoration happened because I finally learned “the basics” of how to be the woman God created us to be. To be His bride and only then to be the sort of wife, mother, and teacher the world around us needs. But most of all, I want to thank you for leading us all to the Lord, who is great, and is worthy of our love.
