RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “Each Blessing Took the Hate-Wall Down Brick by Brick”

♕ Today's Promise: "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33

 

 

☊ RMT Praise

Kaylie, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?

My husband and I met on Valentine's Day by a friend who intuitively introduced us and practically grabbed us both saying that we were meant for each other. He is European and was from Angola. I come from a Catholic Christian home, and he comes from a family where they know almost nothing about God whatsoever, and each said they had no intention of knowing anything. 

I had already been married and I had a 2 year old son, while he was younger and without children. Our courtship started out wonderfully, it seemed like a romance novel, it was so romantic. Our first crisis started when in 2015 he decided to take me to Europe to meet his family, a family that was against the relationship for several reasons: race being the biggest factor. Also, the fact of my being married previously, me being older and already having a child. Anyway, the trip was a nightmare. Had I known what the Bible said about marriage, divorce, remarriage or honoring parents, I would have sought to restore my first marriage rather than look for a man who I would cause to commit adultery.

When we got back to Angola he became obsessively jealous, he searched my social networks and said that men only wrote to me because I was this and that, he offended me in every way. I discovered in him a man quite manipulated by his mother, she manipulated him so perfectly that even he himself did not notice. Little by little, with so much jealousy and mistrust, he became a cold and distant man, and I started to neglect myself (we were already living together even without marrying something else I was ignorant about). To combat his behaviour I became an increasingly arrogant, quarrelsome woman, fitting the mold of the contentious woman and other times I’d turn cold. 

Then to save his sanity, he decided to move out, but at the time I was 5 months pregnant with our daughter. Then ended with what I refer to as my “first restoration” as I was restored and in December he returned to live together so he was there when our daughter was born.. But I was a foolish woman. Soon after the restoration, I turned back and started back to my own ways.

Nevertheless, we decided to marry for the sake of our daughter. Then shortly after my mother-in-law's visit, my marriage collapsed. I blamed her for the destruction, while ignorant that I had pulled it down with my own hands, a home, life and marriage that was built entirely on sinking sand. 

I started to argue with my husband in front of his mother, I became furious, and people noticed I almost never smile anymore. I was always sad and sulky, pouting and then finally my husband had enough. He threw me out of the house with my son. Then he took out a restraining order and I was no longer able to even see my baby daughter. This is what I needed to turn my life around and God knew it.

How did God change your situation, Kaylie, as you sought Him wholeheartedly? 

In my pain and fear, I poured out my heart to my Beloved, and God used each humiliating wound to humble me. It was with great pain and failure that I began to gradually feel the Lord embracing and calming me. I had already read the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage a few times, but I read it again and burst into tears, because I realized that almost nothing I had read ever changed me during my first restoration, and I realized that I entirely ignored God’s warnings about second marriages, which led me to this impossible marriage I was now trying to restore. Was it even His plan? Just the fact I wanted His plan, His will for my life was a huge milestone, a real awakening.

My Love knew I needed to go through this valley of tears, to show me how silly I was, how quarrelsome, contentious and unyielding I still am. The Lord began to wash me with His love, washing all the emotional and hurt wounds that I brought with me from the past and made me see the entire episodes in which I believed that my mother-in-law harmed me, to see how she, as a mother, wanted to protect her son just as much as I wanted to and should have protected my son (by not marrying or becoming involved with another man that was not his father). 

This desert served to force me to be alone with my Beloved, to make me go back to where I have always been, in His arms. Today the Lord is my everything, I have realized what it is like to be intimate with a Heavenly Husband. Dear ones, He is so much closer than we imagine just wanting you to feel His embrace.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Kaylie, did the Lord teach you during this trial? 

Winning without words, not defending myself but letting my HH (Heavenly Husband) do that for me. During this period, my husband was brutal, calling me out, offending and provoking me in every way, especially when I stopped my attacks. This one principle, winning without words, but giving a blessing instead, helped me to realize that the fight was never against my husband (or my mother-in-law) but against the real enemy. So when my husband acted like that, I asked my Beloved how I might bless him and each time it softened his heart, taking the hate-wall down brick by brick.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Kaylie?

The moment I left the house and tried to move into another apartment, my EH (earthly husband) told me he wouldn’t give me a penny to help pay the rent or anything else. He actually went out of his way to take things away from me. Yet, the Lord helped me to remain calm and serene, confident, and just pray “Your will be done, Lord. He led me to stay at my parents' house for a month because I had nowhere to stay. But this was entirely His perfect plan as I was able to learn how to honor my parents and repent of the kind of daughter that I had been. I remember reading how living with parents, especially when there are children, is important to rebuild a more solid foundation, so I am thankful this was part of my restoration journey.

The other difficult time was when my husband removed me from Facebook, and then my mother and my friend came to tell me that he started to post several photos. Thankfully, I’d just finished the lesson on fasting facebook so I knew it was my Beloved protecting me. So I didn’t have to see that my husband was clearly having an affair with a coworker, something that hurt me a lot at the time when I heard about it. But again God used it for my good to drive me into the arms of my Beloved HH (Heavenly Husband) which is where I needed to be.

Kaylie, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?  

The turning point was when I realized that I would not be able to let go and tell God that I accepted that He may not want this marriage restored since it was a second marriage. I didn’t know what that would mean for my children since they had two different fathers, but I knew I needed to let go and trust Him.

So I began praying only for His will. I prayed for days also saying, “Lord if this is not your will, take him out of my mind entirely and turn my heart away from him as well. Turn my heart towards You alone so I no longer have any feelings that make me want or miss him. I would repeat this so many times during the day and night. Then, one night I felt that from that moment on I had really let go. That night for the first time I stopped wanting restoration, and I truly desired the Lord to be my Husband and no one else. I truly wanted God's will for my life, whatever it was. As crazy as it may seem when I woke up the next day I had 2 missed calls from my husband and they were kind and loving. Then I got a text message a few hours later when I didn’t call him back or contact him, saying that he was coming to visit us, after several months without any contact. 

I knew it was God who was restoring because I really didn’t want it, but I knew I needed to trust whatever He was about to do. I have to say that letting go is really powerful. As I write this, I just have to smile at how faithful He is. Thank you, my Beloved!

Tell us HOW it happened, Kaylie? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Kaylie, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored? 

My husband asked me to move back home two days after his first visit. Also, in order to not have any outside influence, we agreed that for now, it would be better to keep our situation to ourselves, so after the five months of being back together, neither of our families know about it. The fact we don’t live in the same country as either of our families makes this possible. Both children are extremely happy and so far we haven’t faced any real difficulties customary to restored marriages. Hopefully things will continue to be just a happy coexistence as we build our home and family on the Rock, even though my husband is not yet a believer. He has commented often at the change in me and each time I say it was God who did it, so I trust He will complete what He started and someday soon I will be submitting a praise report and a salvation story for you to share.

Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Kaylie?

Glory to God, absolutely. First, the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, which is a gift from God above!! That book does not restore marriages, it restores us!!! The restoration of marriage is one of the “additions” that our Beloved gives us. I highly recommend reading this multiple times. "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Kaylie? 

Of course, I really want to grow in faith. And sharing my weaknesses is one of the best ways to grow! "And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.’” 2 Corinthians 12:9-11

Either way, Kaylie, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Let EVERYTHING go in your life. Our Beloved is the One who knows how to take better care of us than we could ever imagine! “God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!” Ephesians 3:20

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