RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “Everything Changed Once I Had My Own Lover!”

♕ Today's Promise: “I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you." Psalm 32:8

 

 

Génesis, how did your restoration actually begin?

Soon after my husband and I were married, we moved to a country where I knew no one, because my husband was transferred for his work. I had no family support, and we were going through some financial problems. Because I was a college student, I didn’t offer to help by getting part-time work, as he’d asked. As my classes increased, I started to be gone almost all day, and it was overwhelming me too much. My husband did all the cooking and cleaning, so I could study at night.

My husband appeared to be showing me that he understood that my schedule would not remain as busy as this and that soon everything would get better, and I would be home again to spend time with him and do my part. Often, he said sometimes he felt ALONE, but I didn't think that he had gone so far as to seek love and support from someone else. 

It was at the end of the school term when things got worse. By mid-summer (I was taking fewer classes, but I was still unable to be home.), things got very difficult. He started saying that he was thinking of someone else and that nothing had yet happened (though later I found out he was very involved), but he assured me these feelings would soon pass. Instead, things just got much worse. I became desperate and sought help from our pastor (who had preached that early in his marriage he had a problem like this). My hope was that my EH would confess to the pastor what he was tempted to do (but actually had done), and then things would be better. But that did not happen, and everything was getting worse and worse.

If I could go back and be the wise woman I am today, I would drop out of school and keep my commitment to be a wife that I had promised when we married. And if I suspected anything, rather than uncover my husband’s nakedness and confess his sins to our pastor, I would speak only to my Heavenly Husband, who would have guided me. But I was a foolish woman who tore her house down; I lacked a gentle and quiet spirit, therefore I reaped what I’d sown.

A month later, I found out everything by going through his email. I read all the conversations he had with the OW, details I can never erase from my mind. Several of my college friends assured me this was the only way, to go snooping into his private emails, so I could catch him. I was listening to and surrounding myself with fools, rather than an older, wiser woman who’d faired well in her own marriage. “Leave the presence of a fool or you will not discern words of knowledge” (Prov. 14:7).

Heartbroken, I read their plans that they were already making to be together, and how he’d planned to leave me. If I hadn’t been foolish enough, I confronted him and told him to get out! Where else would he go than to be with the OW? Oh, how we continue to fall in step with the enemy’s schemes due to our lack of knowledge.  (Hos. 4:6) (2 Cor. 2:10–11).

I thank God that in the church that I was attending at the time (I later let go of my church), there were many restoration stories that gave me hope because I was in the midst of despair. I was very encouraged to continue to seek God for my own restoration, but what I didn’t realize is that restoration meant I had to change. I had to know what God expected of me as a wife, woman, and bride to my own HH.

So, doing this in my own strength with hope alone, I tried, but I just gave up several times. One day, I decided to get more help on the Internet and saw a video where the girl talked about the book Restore Your Marriage. In desperation, I went to look for the book immediately, and that’s when I discovered RMI. Just as it says, I found HopeAtLast!  

This is when everything started to change because I started to see that it wasn't just me that was going through this journey; there were so many other women who I identified with. Before finding out about RMI, I had decided to quit my job, because I was unable to work; since I was a saleswoman and had to always be smiling, but due to my marriage collapsing, I was so very angry and bitter. I continually thought of the emails I’d read. At that part of my journey, I honestly thought I had done nothing wrong, that I was perfect and without sin! 

It was after finding RMI and as I started reading the A Wise Woman book, the more and more I realized it was me. I had torn my house down. I had gone after the knowledge of good and evil (because university courses don’t teach God’s Word but often are opposing it); this I understood after reading “Helper Suitable” in A Wise Woman, that I had chosen university knowledge over my marriage vows that I had made before God. I was blind to my sins, and even after reading a lot of your books, I still did a lot of wrongs and still did not understand that everything I was learning was for my good. I still did not understand that God loved me, and I felt sorry for myself. 

It happened while taking the first Abundant Life course, Finding the Abundant Life; this was when I could feel and understand His love. God revealed this to me when I finally understood how wrong I was--wrong about things I didn't even know were as serious as they were. God began showing me that I was a lukewarm believer, at best. I saw that I was only looking to God in the difficult times, and when everything got better, I’d immediately forgotten all about Him. I was a contentious, proud woman. I always had an answer on the tip of my tongue, and I would spew it out. Like many university students, I refused to be under any authority, which included my husband. So every conversation turned out to be a big fight that I had to win. 

No matter how wrong I’d been, every time I started trying to put the principles of the books and courses into practice, as long as I kept asking God to help me, I began to change. I understood that all this was so much more than fixing a failed marriage. He had allowed it for my good so that I could experience an intimate relationship with my First Love. I began to feel the love of the Lord surround me. I started to realize that, when I was home alone (I’d dropped out of university at this point), that time was to be closer to MY First Love I cried out in a loud voice, humiliated by the pain of realizing my ignorance and sins. I started asking God to change me because I didn't want to be the same contentious, foolish woman I had been, full of worldly knowledge. I started reading Psalms 119 because, in one of the posts in the Encourager, another bride said she read it often and that it helped a lot. So I started reading Psalms and Proverbs aloud daily, falling in love with the Psalms as His love letters to me. 

I studied the Proverbs that enriched my life—better than any university course I could take because it taught me about life!

As I grew spiritually, no longer did God need to make me a loathing or remove my lover and friend. My EH was fine now; he no longer treated me badly. At one point, he asked for forgiveness, not once, but twice, and twice I told him I forgave him for his unfaithfulness. Nevertheless, he would go out and do the same thing again and again. But God started showing me, through the RMI materials (in one of the Abundant Life courses), that I didn't need, nor should I expect, anything from my EH, because he didn’t have what I needed. 

All I truly needed was my First Love. I started calling Him my Beloved; soon after, my LOVE showed me something strange had happened. I always had a deep-rooted fear of being disrespected, but as I came closer and closer to my HH, I realized I didn’t need any respect; I didn’t need anything at all. I had all I needed in Him, and I found myself at perfect peace and rest for my soul. I didn’t need a better education, a higher paying job, or for others to think or speak well of me. I had it all; what a paradise it was to live this way!

A week before my restoration, my EH spent the whole week at home, did not go out, and though I was enjoying his company, not expecting anything from him, I missed my time with my HH.

God is wonderful! Today, after being restored for a few months, I know that I had taken God out of His rightful place in my life. I did everything wrong. As a result, I suffered a lot, until I realized that all things work together for good to those who love God. Over the course of my journey, I lost a lot of weight, and I did absurd things (at first), but God took care of me, sent people who know His power, and gave me this wonderful ministry—which has helped me so much to know Him as the Lover of my soul. I even learned to love reading the Bible. I used the recommended app and read through the Bible several times, because the hunger for knowledge must also include wisdom “And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith, virtue and to your virtue, knowledge” (2 Pet. 1:5 KJV).  I found that even though I could not do what He wants (on my own) when you ask your FIRST LOVE to be your EVERYTHING, then GOD will give you the wisdom that is beyond what this world knows or seeks after.

No one will ever take His place in my life; every day I can learn more, to do His will for my life, His plans for my life. 

My journey lasted just six months—to undo what had taken me six years to demolish. Yet rather than regret or feel shame, now I know that everything works together for good for the honor and glory of the Lord.  I can feel His love more and more each day—love that I can feel surrounding me, filling me—because His love transcends me. I love You, My Beloved, my first and only love.

How did God change your situation, Génesis, as you sought Him wholeheartedly? 

Yes, as I sought Him with all my heart, He changed everything.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Génesis, did the Lord teach you during this trial? 

I learned the principles of not being a contentious woman, believing against all hope, and believing this was His plan, so I learned to keep His commandments. Most importantly, I learned to seek an intimate relationship with my HH—putting Him in His rightful place, the first in my heart as I continue my lifelong journey with Him.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Génesis?

The times before my intimacy with my HH were most difficult, times I felt so alone, and when my EH said there would never be a marriage for us anymore and that I was crazy. But again, everything changed once I had my own Lover!

Génesis, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?  

The turning point was when I began the first of all of your Abundant Life courses. I was able to let go and began to win my husband without a word when I no longer cared about what anyone else said. Oh, this was when I began wanting His knowledge and wisdom, not seeking it from the higher learning of this world. Now I am happily a worker@home, and I am able to minister to other women, so they don’t make the mistakes I’ve made. I also noticed a turn, when I began tithing to my storehouse, so the devourer was not allowed to steal my husband and marriage.

Tell us HOW it happened, Génesis. Did your husband just walk in the front door? Génesis, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored? 

One day, he just came over. There was no real sign, but I wasn’t looking for one either. I’d come to the place that I’d read so many times in By the Word of Their Testimonies, but I honestly never believed I would feel—that I didn’t want to be restored, because I was so happy with my life as it was. I believe it was Erin who said this first. He’d slowly been bringing things with him when he’d stop by (which became more and more often), and then that night he asked if he could stay over. I said, “Of course,” but I had to ask my HH to give me His love to love my husband with. Well, that is all it took for my EH to feel the Lord’s love flowing through me. The next morning, he asked if it was okay for him to stay if I thought we had a good chance, and I said, “Yes, God will complete what He started in both of us,” and he smiled.

Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Génesis?

I recommend all of your resources. Begin with How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and study A Wise Woman to prepare for married life when you’re husband is home. Reading and studying the By the Word of Their Testimonies helped me see what these women did and to make sure I did the same. Each day, I did at least one lesson of your online courses, and I never missed starting my day with the Encourager.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Génesis? 

Yes, this is my calling.

Either way, Génesis, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Above all things, God loves us. He wants us, more than anything, and is always ready to help us when we call on Him to take over. I know there are still a lot of things ahead on my journey of being restored, but God raised me up, gave me strength, dried my tears and told me “I want you to remain steadfast in your pursuit of my love and wisdom to help other women. I want to make you an instrument to guide the women of this generation to see the dangerous road they are traveling on. I've tested you, because I love you. Now that you understand that having only One Lover will complete you, you are ready to reach the hurting.”

Darling, Heavenly Husband, You are the reason for my living!