Valeria, how did your restoration actually begin?
It all started after several attempts to file for a divorce and each time God would stop me. Everytime I tried, something would stop it from happening. Then one day, I ran into my husband and that’s when I realized, "I’m fighting with God"! When I got home I said to Him, "Lord, why didn't you stop me from seeing him? (When my EH saw me at the registry, he came to give me a hug and I turned my face away from him, I didn't hug him and I couldn't look at his face). And then the Lord said, "I allowed you to go there to see what was in your heart. Your heart is full of hatred, self-pity, unforgiveness, and resentment." I asked the Lord, "Lord, how can I forgive him for all that he did to me?" And He answered me, “Ask me, every day, every time you feel hurt or angry.” This is when my personal restoration began.
God began to do amazing things to me. First, I had to take the log out of my own eye, I had to ask for forgiveness for my own sins. Every day I asked the Lord to help me forgive my EH. After about four months my EH came to me (let me say that this was a huge breakthrough because he never wished me a "Merry Christmas", "Happy New Year", he had said nothing to me for months!) But once I let go completely, as soon as I had not wanted to know anything about what he was doing anymore, when I stopped poking around in his life it came with so many blessings.
But right away the enemy came to steal my joy when I found out that he had bought a piece of land from the OW, but that day the Lord spoke to me saying that I had to stop fussing and I couldn't complain anymore because He proved that He was in control. I stopped complaining but the enemy continued to torment my mind with remembering things that were said and different situations that happened. Each time it was pushing me to find out more about the OW. I was so tempted to send him an email but the next day I did as the course teaches us, I wrote an email but in the end: "I sent it to myself."
After I passed this test, the hate-wall fell. And during this "process" of "letting go" I was able to check off my prayer journal all the things I asked the Lord to do for me. Things like renewing my mind, forgiving and being forgiven.
It took four months from that sad day of the "failed divorce" (glory to God) when he came to me. At first he came to me about something he needed me to fix in an email. Even though the first meeting was uneventful, before he left he asked me to pray for him and from then on, we started a friendship. But since he was already living with OW by this time, he could only call me and we would exchange a lot of emails and that’s how our friendship grew and grew. Soon he started talking about coming back. Next he said he was coming back but we needed to "fix" a situation first.
How did God change your situation, Valeria, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
As I said, when he started saying he wanted to come back, I started to face new and more difficult battles. Battles in my mind, temptations to go against what I'd learned. Because he started saying he was coming back near my birthday, each month began to pass: May, June, July, August, and September. And each time the enemy tormented me, reminding me of similar situations when he decided to leave the house and he said he was coming back but it never happened. And so I had to start reading more and more of God's Word, the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage over and over again to arm me with faith, the full armor of God.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Valeria, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
The key principle of letting go. The principle of reading and meditating on God's Word day and night. The principle of asking no one, but only seeking God's direction and "telling Him" everything before calling a friend. The principle of forgiveness, which brings healing. The principle of removing the log from my eye and that who accuses is the enemy. The Pharisee hypocritical spirit principle I had. The principle of beginning to empty myself then filling myself with the Word of God. The principle of stating my HH was all I wanted, needed, and cared for.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Valeria?
There were so many. I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night. Once I was screaming into my pillow to stifle the screams. I needed to scream because I felt like I was suffocating. The other was the hate-wall that I created, but I’m so glad I discovered what Psalm 88:8 says (that God has taken my husband away from me) so it no longer hurt.
Valeria, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
The turning point was when God totally turned my husband's heart back toward me, even though he said he could not leave the OW.
Tell us HOW it happened, Valeria? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Valeria, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
I was already aware that God had restored my marriage because of the passionate emails we exchanged, but I couldn't understand why he didn't leave the OW's house and come back to live with me. Then one day He led me to the passage of Lazarus' resurrection (again) - I already knew the passage and opened it to the part when it said, "take away the stone" because He used that to show me my unforgiveness. But He led me to read and reread and reread it again to understand why he didn't leave the house of OW and I realized that after Jesus sent Lazarus to get up, He says Lazarus’ feet and hands were tied and there is a handkerchief over his eyes. I realized God turned his heart, but He still needed to remove the blindness from his eyes regarding the OW who wouldn't let him leave her and return to me.
Many trials came to test my faith and produce patience, so I fought back by repeating this verse in my head and heart, that it was happening for me to produce patience and the work would be complete!
In the meantime, I had learned to thank my HH for everything and to praise Him, to seek Him only. I went back to watching the Be Encouraged eVideos and in one of them, Erin tells the story of Asa's. And, carelessly, reading testimonies of another ministry (big mistake) I called my pastor to talk. I wrongly believed we need to talk and listen to someone, which now I do NOT recommend, as Erin teaches us, because the Bible says He is our Wonderful Counselor.
At this point, I hadn’t let go of attending church, thinking it didn't apply to me, so when I didn't get the answers I wanted from God, off I went to talk to the pastor. This was my last time I stepped foot in a church. I never went again but finally letting go. My eyes were opened when this very polite and kind shepherd actually scolded me for having "friendship" with my husband! Telling me I should move on, let the OW have him and find myself my own good, godly man!!
I prayed all night begging God for forgiveness and for going to that pastor who told me what was contrary to what I was learning at RMI, what the Bible said. The pastor told me that it was foolish to be gentle, to speak kindly, every time I had the opportunity to talk to my husband. Again the Lord reminded me of Erin speaking of Asa, so I went to read in my Bible and when it opened, it opened in this passage and I realized that the Lord would not finish the good work because I wanted approval from the pastor. But because the Lord directed me here, to RMI, and He was already taking care of me, that I finally needed to let go of my church and stop thinking I could pick and choose the principles I wanted to follow. Glory to God for that.
I want to make it clear that this pastor's ministry is good, but you must stay where God first directed you because He knows all things. And from the beginning, I was directed to the RMI site and it was here that I found the answers to many questions I'd asked Him. I had learned to "arm myself" with the written verses, the Sword that is the Word of God. And with that answer, I came to love Him even more and to thank Him for EVERYTHING.
I began singing LOVE Songs and let go of Christian music. Glory to God, He continued to take care of me! Just before restoration, I nearly suffered two car accidents and in both of them I survived a "near miss" but each time, still shaking, I would begin to praise Him and thank Him! After the second one, I turned on the radio and "our song" was playing!
After a year and a half apart, I left the building where I live to get a coffee and when I looked up, there was my husband and he was walking towards me smiling. That day my husband came home. He returned home to me walking (he'd lost his car), without any of his clothes or any of his belongings. Without asking anything, he settled into his home with me, bought some new clothes and never looked back!!
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Valeria?
For sure! Absolutely How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, the Be Encouraged eVideos (they were really great!), and without a doubt the courses and to be sure to journal. Each of your free resources have been very important, it seems like everything was written for me. I also recommend God's Word, we must read it and meditate day and night as the Psalmist teaches us. And before your husband gets home be sure you’ve gone through A Wise Woman at least twice so you’re prepared.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Valeria?
Yes
Either way, Valeria, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
I’d like to leave you with His Word.
"Do not be afraid; You will not suffer shame. Do not fear embarrassment; You will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and you will no longer remember the humiliation of your widowhood. For her Maker is her husband, the Lord of hosts is her name, the Holy One of Israel is her Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were an abandoned and grieving woman, a woman who was married again only to be rejected,” says her God. “For a brief moment I left her, but with deep compassion I will bring her back. In an impulse of indignation I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you,” says the Lord your Redeemer. Isaiah 54:4-8 NIV
“When the Lord brought the captives back to Zion, it was like a dream. Then our mouth was filled with laughter and our tongue with songs of joy.” Psalm 126:1-2 NIV
“Without faith it is impossible to please God.” Hebrews 11:6 NIV
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will answer the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 NIV
“My brethren, consider it a joy to go through many trials, for you know that the test of your faith produces perseverance. And perseverance must take complete action, that you may be mature and whole, without lacking anything to you.” James 1: 2-4 NIV
“The king's heart is like a river controlled by the Lord; he drives him wherever he wants.” Proverbs 21:1 NIV
After saying this, Jesus shouted aloud, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped in linen strips and his face wrapped in cloth. Jesus said to them, "Take off his sashes and let him go." John 11:43-44 NIV
"Love forgives many sins." 1 Peter 4:8 NIV
“Support one another and forgive any complaints you have against each other. Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you. But above all, put on love, which is the perfect link.” Colossians 3:13-14 NIV
Find more encouragement and overcome the hurdle of #Letting Go by clicking on the #TAG linked to Restored Marriage Testimonies.