RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “I was Going Crazy Becoming Suicidal”

 

Alma, how did your restoration actually begin?

It all started when my EH "earthly husband” started his new job. We had just been blessed with our baby daughter, and he felt the need to work harder as expenses increased. I never accepted this job very much, because I knew that he would not have a fixed schedule and that he would have to travel a lot, eventually leaving us alone. So after some time, he ended up moving away from me emotionally, becoming cold and distant. I asked him about it, during some of our conversations, but he never said much. 

It was due to this emotional distance that he fell in love with someone else--a woman who worked with him. I was always very contentious, demanding, and I started to accuse him (when nothing was really happening), which just made him go ahead and find someone. I know that when this all began (when I first began accusing him) that nothing had happened yet, but due to my attitudes and the many weaknesses within our marriage, the enemy found the crack and began to try to destroy my family. 

We also stopped attending church as a family. More often I'd go, but I left my husband home on his own. We both felt that everything was under control. We believed that it was no longer necessary to seek God because we had a beautiful daughter; I was taking university courses; I wanted to further my education, and he had a dream job. 

Then it all fell apart. He got involved with OW, and I started to panic. In one of our many discussions, I even said that I would take my life and our daughter's life if he made the choices for himself so that he could go on and live happily without us. I was so foolish; instead of seeking help from God, I wanted to prove to my family that his cheating was the reason why I was going crazy and becoming suicidal. 

Then a few months later, he left home, and I became horribly depressed--to the point that my parents feared I (or he) would do something to hurt me and our daughter. When he left home, he said nothing to me, but I knew he left and was living with OW. But he just left; he didn't divorce me. He just left and disappeared for several days. 

It was a month after he left that I felt God calling me to fight for our marriage, and I was directed to the RMI website, where I did find Hope at Last. I confess that I was not a good student, because I read the lessons, but I did not apply them. I never journaled, so I never got to the point of the principles sinking in. But I learned from the pain to start journaling, which helped me apply what I learned into my everyday life. Now, when I realize I'm failing, I know it's because I haven't journaled.

And so my journey of restoration began, in the midst of intense pain, utter despair and buckets of crying.

How did God change your situation, Alma, as you sought Him wholeheartedly? 

Beloved, in the beginning, I fought hard against this restoration journey. I always told my EH that if there was ever unfaithfulness on his part, we were over, and I would divorce him. But God broke me of all that pride. He called me to distance myself from everyone. Most days, I was alone in my prayer room, and there God showed me that divorce was not His plan for my family. He had to get me out of my comfortable surroundings, out of my normal life, to search for Him all the time and renew my mind with His Word.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Alma, did the Lord teach you during this trial? 

I learned the principle of letting go, of winning without words, of waiting patiently for the Lord. At every moment since the beginning of this journey, His Word is the only word that matters.  As in Psalm 40:1, "I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry."

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Alma?

The most difficult time I spent was watching my daughter look for her father and not find him. She saw her cousins ​​with their parents, and hers wasn't around. The other difficulty was the principle of letting go, handing everything over to Him. As humans, we always want to take a little action, but when we do, we lose our blessing. Another really difficult time He helped me through was leaving my home, then having to go through living with my mother-in-law, and then living with my parents. That was very difficult because I wanted my independence; I wanted to raise my daughter on my own.

Another thing I always said when I was younger, and I wasn't yet married, is that I would be totally independent—how silly I was! I ended up living everything I said I would never do.

Alma, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?  

The turning point was when I really, truly let go, because the Lord became my HH "Heavenly Husband." Once He was truly first, I started to be happy. Everything I wanted or needed I simply had to ask it of Him, and He would move mountains on my behalf. He'd turn the tide, and I watched as He started using all the difficult circumstances in my favor. I started to choose Him over everyone and anything—and this is when I really began to live life. Day after day, believing only in His Word, His love gave me the Abundant Life that is worth living.

“'For the Lord has called you, like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,' says your God” (Isaiah 54:6).

Tell us HOW it happened, Alma. Did your husband just walk in the front door? Alma, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored? 

Once I was His bride, my EH began to come to visit our daughter, and I'd go to spend time walking in the park, which made him feel free to play with her (and long for me). While in our home, he began doing things that needed fixing or taking out the trash, things he used to do when he was living with us.

There were days when I'd arrive back home from my walking time with my Lover that I noticed my EH appeared disturbed, lost and sad. I always asked my Beloved that He would open his eyes for my EH to see that he needed to have what I had. About six months after he'd moved out, he arrived to spend time with our daughter but instead asked if he could go with me on my walk. I explained that it was my time to be alone, that it was a relationship with the Lord that had changed me, but that he could meet me at the park’s play area.

It was there that he told me of his regrets and how much he tried to find a way to fix everything. I said there was nothing to fix, just come home if you want. Then I said, if you don't want to come home, it was fine with me because I am so happy with my life. He said, “I want to be happy like you are.” The next weekend, he moved back home.

Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Alma?

Yes, all of them, every book and course you offer. The books, How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and A Wise Woman, both laid the foundation for my restoration. Journaling through all the Abundant Life courses, beginning with Finding the Abundant Life, is what I recommend. 

I also recommend the Daily Encourager, devotionals, and not forgetting the Bible as our main source. Every one of your resources has a vital message for wives seeking restoration. Each lesson should be gone through in its own time, and sometimes you will need to return to redo them again, and again and again.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Alma? 

Yes

Either way, Alma, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Do not give up on what God has promised you. Your HH will be with you at all times, even the most difficult, if you put Him first. Never trade Him for temporary pleasures of this earth.

BONUS:

Do you remember the testimony “"Married to My Son’s Father 2"”? Well, today you’re in for a treat because there is another short testimony we added to the bottom.