RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “Loving Me enough to Take Me on this Journey”

Thea, how did your restoration actually begin?

It all started when my husband asked me to let him go, because he did not love me anymore, and he wanted to try to live a new life on his own. So, at the end of January, three years ago, he took all of his things, while I was at work and left without me seeing or saying goodbye. When I got home and I saw his empty closet, I fell to my knees in despair. This began my journey in the desert. In the early days and weeks, I often despaired; I even wanted to die, thinking of ways to take my life that wouldn’t be too painful. But even then, the Lord was with me. He began showing me that He would restore my marriage, for it was the Lord who had allowed this whole situation to happen because I had abandoned my First Love.

How did God change your situation, Thea, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

I knew that once I put my husband first, abandoning my First Love, it's what had contributed to the end of my marriage. I had destroyed my house with my own hands. I was foolish, quarrelsome, contentious, combative, explosive, and selfish. All the wrong a woman could do in a marriage, I did. Though I basically lived in our church, I was so far from God. For 17 years of my marriage, God tried to warn me, but I did not listen. I did not obey, even after finding the RMI. I knew the correct principles but did not practice them. I sulked and thought this just doesn't work for everyone, but it was because I did things half-heartedly. I thought I'd get away with it. So I'd leave RMI, try a different approach, a different ministry, but each time I’d lose the peace I had, the tranquility I'd found, and soon I'd be back to start the courses again (and again and again).

It took this separation from my HH (while pursuing other ministries that focused on getting your husband back, not what mattered, which is finding your HH and making Him your first love) to finally make me realize my error. That's when I became dust, humbled myself to the Lord, cried out to turn my heart to Him. As I cried out for His help, once I came to a point of total repentance (turning from my pursuits to focusing on Him alone, no longer wanting restoration or my EH and "prodigal"), all of a sudden everything I ever wanted in my life was Him. He became everything.

The more I sought intimacy with my HH, the more I felt His love surrounding me, guarding me, protecting me, even though I was full of imperfections. When I erred, I immediately repented, asked for Him to help me up, and felt His forgiveness. His love drenched me in peace.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Thea, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

God taught me first to let go, to wrap my arms around Him tightly, which really changes everything. Back when I tried to make it happen, when I tried pursuing my husband and marriage (as most restoration ministries recommend), the more pain it caused me (not to mention building a huge hate wall that my EH built to block me). Once I learned to hand over my husband to God and let go, so my arms were free to hold tightly to my HH, that's when God started to work behind the scenes. He never let me see He was working, but at that point, I no longer cared. It was later, after our restoration, that I heard how much God was doing while I was loving my HH. My Husband taught me to depend only on Him, and He also showed me that my joy comes not from men but from Him. So I was walking in my wilderness of ups and downs, as I navigated the principles.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Thea?

The hardest times were when I found out he was with OW, and also how huge the wall of hatred was between us, due to my pursuing him. If it were not for trusting God, I could not bear such pain. It was after Finding the Abundant Life and living my life for Him and with Him that all pain vanished.

Thea, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

The turning point was when God began to turn the heart of my husband back to our family again. One day, after being out of church for more than a year, my husband called to ask if I was going to church. I said I wasn't, that I no longer went to church, so he asked if I wanted to go to church with him. Each time, no matter what the message was, I could see that hearing the message God used to trouble him. I said nothing because I knew whatever needed to happen was between Him and God. Soon the scales fell from his eyes, and at about the same time, the OW became bitter.

He said all he saw in her were the many defects and shortcomings that were never in me (I had to laugh because this was due to praying he'd forget the old me, as I learned in your books.) He began to praise me about all my many qualities. One quality was that I never speak ill of the OW, no matter what. Dear brides, only God could do this, because, I confess, I still had many more defects than qualities. Yet, just as Proverbs 31:27-31 says, “She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: ‘Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.’ Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.” I never, ever imagined it would happen to me!!!!!!

Tell us HOW it happened, Thea. Did your husband just walk in the front door? Thea, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

I did not suspect anything at all, partly because my "restoration" happened a few times before. He would approach me and tell me that he wanted to come back, but soon, he'd move out again. Yet, I was fine with it. I began to sort of yearn for him to go because I loved my alone time with my Bridegroom, and restoration was tough. I can't say how many times this happened, until our son's birthday a year ago. He'd stayed quiet (not contacting me) for quite a few days, then on the day of the party, he came early, telling me he was coming home for good, but I didn't give it much thought. I said, "Nice," but thought that soon he would move away again (again being more than fine with this).

After a week, then four, then months went by and he was still there, I realized it was finished. I Praise Him not for the restoration, though I love that I have a testimony to share with other women. I praise Him because of loving me enough to take me on this journey so I could experience far more than getting a husband back. I found and am living the Abundant Life. I'm thankful that my restoration is a process because it continues to make the necessary changes that are not yet complete in me and in my husband. Nevertheless, I am sure that God is faithful, and He says He will finish the work that has begun (it's not for me or my husband to finish.) See Philippians 1:6.

Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Thea?

Yes, I recommend the books How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and also A Wise Woman. If you read these books and the principles are faithfully practiced, then it can only result in miracles because they are all based on the Word of God. Next, take the courses that truly only begin with Finding the Abundant Life, which helps you let go and to stop making the same mistakes that plagued me for so long.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Thea?

Yes for sure.

Either way, Thea, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

The secret to restoration and never giving up is to believe in God's ability to make the impossible happen, to allow Him the opportunity to restore your marriage, once you have let go and left it in His hands. Finally, make the Lord your Heavenly Husband and depend only on Him for everything.