RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “Pregnant, Alone, Full of Self-Pity”

 

Lori, how did your restoration actually begin?

Hello everyone, I'm so excited to let you know the good news—my marriage has been restored!! My husband and I have reconciled, living as husband and wife for a few months after experiencing turmoil in our marriage (as the result of adultery). 

It all started when I got pregnant, and that’s when so many arguments led me to mistrusting my husband, which led to him distancing himself from me. He was finishing his doctorate degree in a nearby city, practically living there (staying the night on the couch of a friend when he'd study too late to drive home). Which, of course, contributed to our distance emotionally, and his being gone led to an open invitation for the enemy to get a foothold—when he became involved with a fellow classmate. 

Thankfully, I didn't have to find out myself or from someone telling me of his unfaithfulness. He came to me and confessed what he did and asked for forgiveness, crying so hard it broke my heart. 

Unfortunately, it did not take long for everything to change. Soon after forgiving him, I began accusing him of cheating, and all too soon, he changed his mind, because I was far from a Gentle and Quiet Spirit. So, he again came to me, said he loved me, but we could not be together anymore. Since he already lived in another city, and it was normal for him to be gone, our separation was not noticeable by any of our friends or family. 

Sadly, I lost my footing, I fought in my own strength, and soon I asked for help from our church's pastor. He helped by way of prayer, but had little experience on the subject of marriage restoration, at least not in the way I needed. Instead, like so many restored marriage testimonies I studied to help me along my journey, he suggested singles groups telling me that God might have someone better for me! “Rubbish!!” I yelled at him, and I began searching for another church that believed in restoration, but I didn’t find one, not one.

How did God change your situation, Lori, as you sought Him wholeheartedly? 

Seeking God led me to search for "marriage restoration" on the internet, looking for marriages that had been restored. I ended up reading some reviews about the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, which helped me a lot. In a very interesting turn of events, I could not get access to the whole book, just the first chapter. 

I later understood that the Lord first wanted to heal me, so I began to spend my time praying and crying out to the Lord to help me genuinely forgive my husband and the other woman, and God faithfully healed the intense deep wounds that had been caused by adultery. He healed this pain, which was almost unbearable, the pain I did not want to feel anymore, which had often festered. This pain only passed when I locked myself in the bedroom and cried at the feet of My Beloved, facedown on the carpet. He alone, and no one else understood me. He alone knew the pain I felt because He had felt it too--from what He'd gone through when He was betrayed. He alone calmed me down and often made me sleep in peace. 

“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul" (Psalm 23: 1-3).

What is more interesting is that the Lord had been dealing with me about "letting go" and trusting Him, without me having any idea how to do it. This was confirmed when I finally was given access to the entire book and took course 1. It was not easy to apply this principle, but I confess I was relieved to know that I did not need to pursue my EH and did not need to know anything of what he did. Of course, it was My Beloved guarding me all the time, without me even knowing the principles so wisely taught here!!

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Lori, did the Lord teach you during this trial? 

All the principles were in some way important to help me along my journey, but "letting go" was the key, as every other restored marriage testimonies I studied said, too. I had never heard of this principle in such depth as I learned here, but I saw the destruction of so many women who tried to get me to read and/or join one of the Covenant or Stander's Ministries--who actually encourage you to pursue rather than letting go of a wayward husband. The rejection and pain are awful, but worse is how it feeds the flesh, missing the reason why He’s called us to travel this journey. This crisis happened so that we could experience Him as our HH and gain the Gentle and Quiet Spirit that is precious to God. 

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Lori?

The most difficult times were during my pregnancy, due to being alone and full of self-pity. It was also difficult after my daughter was born, as she was very sensitive to my moods, and she cried all the time--whenever I failed to remain calm and surrounded by the love of my Heavenly Husband. 

After I had my daughter and realized that my emotions were dictating her mood, I sought the Lord, Who helped me to go through everything always holding His hand, or He’d carry me, forever strengthening and guiding me.

Lori, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?  

The turning point in my restoration happened soon after I arrived from a foolish, silly plan I made. I drove to where my EH lived, with the purpose of convincing him to return home. I was leaving my peaceful shelter where my HH was with me, and my daughter was only one week old. I fought the battle with my own weapons, following the advice of several pastors, who all told me to fight for what was rightfully mine; they said that this is how God would give me my miracle of restoration. You’d think I would have remembered what pastors think and believe, but I still was a silly woman. (2 Timothy 3:6-7), “For among them are those who enter into households and captivate silly women weighed down with various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of Truth.” 

Oh, how wrong they were! God will do His part, but only when we are willing to give it all to Him! The Bible says to stand by and watch (Exodus 14:13). I was not following Him but instead had been following what someone else told me to do—something Erin warns us about. So, unfortunately, I did what the pastors directed me to do (which was totally contrary to what I learned here a few months later). I believed that, although it was a mistake, the Lord, with His infinite mercy, would grant me favor. But I confess that after what happened I was close to giving up, and I decided they were right--I needed to find someone new. I even joined a Christian dating site, after this blow to my faith. 

It was this that got my attention. I never wanted any other man, and here I was doing something that’s so not me! I realized how following the path of anyone who tells us to do something that's contrary to God’s Word (which is why we must know it ourselves) is so horribly dangerous!!!

During this time, after almost falling into adultery myself, I found my faith increased, and He strengthened me as never before. Although I did what I "thought" was right, and in fact was not, I later turned to and relied deeply on the Lord, my HH, like never before. I watched how God used it for good (Romans 8:28), to show me just how easily I could have fallen into adultery myself because my pastors were not His sheep but men clothed in wolves’ skin. 

After this I sought the Lord more, spent more time studying the Abundant Life course, letting go of marriage restoration entirely (because God said He would restore so I didn't need to bother with it), and because of this, my faith in God's ability to do it without any help from me increased.

It was during this time that I focused on helping other women, to do my part in producing some fruit of my own, sowing the seeds of Hope At Last, as others had done for me (when they offered me chapter 1 of RYM book), not really knowing I was being both an Evangelist and Minister.

Getting back to the turning point, brought on by my greatest mistake, the situation between my husband and I only got worse, because I stayed where he lived, unwilling to leave. He told me to leave, and I did not obey, but instead, I argued and tried to convince him of his madness. I took it all the way to even challenging him with my "self-righteousness," saying that God would act in my favor, because I was a righteous person. 

Later, when I remembered the nonsense I was talking about, I was embarrassed and felt ashamed (thankfully my HH led me to read one of Erin's living lessons regarding guilt, so I could be set free from this). Anyway, my EH became even angrier, infuriated with me, and wanted more distance after this. It's crazy to think back that I stayed there in his room until I had not one more thing to say, and only then did I return back home to focus on my HH and take care of my newborn daughter.

Tell us HOW it happened, Lori. Did your husband just walk in the front door? Lori, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored? 

Despite coming home supposedly "defeated," I did not give up. I kept relying strongly on the Lord, and I began to hear Him speaking to my heart--that He would resolve that situation in His own way, in His appointed time, that it was no longer for me to worry about and that He was in control of EVERYTHING! Now I had really managed to give it all away (letting go, even though I did not know this principle very well, because, as I said at the beginning, at that time I still had no access to the book), to the point of saying in prayer that I did not care about my restoration anymore, because I did not need my husband to make me happy. My HH is who made me happier than I'd ever been in my life. I was cherished, looked after, and wanted for nothing.

Experiencing the valley of when I had searched and pursued my EH, saying to everyone "I could not live without him"—oh how wrong I was! In my Beloved Heavenly Husband's embrace is what really completed me. I simply loved how He loved me and made me feel like I was the most beloved and desired woman of all the earth. I just wanted Him and pleaded and wept desperately for Him, for more of Him in me; I did not want anyone else.

Shortly after I got to this point, I received news from my sister, who lived in the same city as my EH. She said she had seen my EH with the OW at the mall, and I stopped her before she shared the details. I told her I no longer wanted my husband because I had met and fallen in love with another man. She was in shock, and after I explained it was my Beloved HH and how He made me feel, our conversation shifted to talking only about Him, and we hung up elated.

It was exactly two days after I said this when my EH began to text and call me. He left several text messages, and when I didn't reply, he called me several times. I did not answer, because when I saw his first text, I silenced my cell phone. It wasn't until after I nursed my daughter that I saw just how many times he tried to contact me.

The next day, he called me again, but this time I answered because my HH told me, "This is the appointed time, Lori." My EH began by asking about us, saying that he loved me, and asked if I loved him too. I hesitated, then finally whispered, "yes." There were several days of calls of this type; each time he said that he wanted to come home, that he could not stand being apart from me any longer. But I was so content in my relationship with my HH; I didn't care if it ever happened. I know my EH could sense this, which only heightened his desire for me (which Erin says will happen when we truly are His bride!) 

Our restoration was complete when he came home after receiving his doctorate and found a residency close by our home. Glory of God! My EH came back when I no longer wanted it and least expected it (because we were told that there were no hospitals nearby accepting new residents to their program). Only God could do this!

Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Lori?

I recommend all materials from your ministry because each is precious and filled with the way we need to live—not only in our marriages but as a woman, mother, sister, friend, neighbor, and coworker. As I said, I am especially devoted to the How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage book, and I would never miss a morning reading the Daily Encourager.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Lori? 

I most certainly want to continue to reach out and minister to other women.

Either way, Lori, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

LOOK TO THE LORD !!!!!! Do not look at the circumstances. He promises to bring you through, so never give up on Him. Give up on trying to restore your marriage; only then will God take over and finish what He started. But first, He's working on you, and then He'll begin working on your EH. Everything is easier with HIM. Become His bride and find out for yourself!