Gemma, how did your restoration actually begin?
It began about six years ago when our lives were very difficult; we were in a crisis in our relationship. We did not understand each other; we had no conversations between us; we lived in the same house, giving the appearance that we were married, but it was far from a true marriage.
Then, right after the new year, we had a fight, and although we resumed our lives, the coldness took over, and then the bomb exploded—he asked for a separation. Instead of being hurt, I was outraged by what he said, I fought him verbally and physically. When our family heard (and even our church family), they tried to reason with him, but he made it clear that he was determined to leave me. When he left home, he moved to another city, saying that after our separation, when he felt ready to work on things, he would return to get us. But only ten days later, he called me, saying that he would not be back, that he was finished and just wanted to be happy.
How did God change your situation, Gemma, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
For the first 6 months of our separation, God revealed Himself to me in a way I could never imagine. He taught me to forgive, for I had many wounds and pain from the abuse and traumas that happened in my childhood and followed me into my marriage. During this time, my husband was extremely cold and distant, never giving me any hope that there would be a future for our marriage.
Yet, once I began to feel more healed, I began to feel a strong desire to pray for the restoration of marriage. It was during this time that He led me to find your ministry, and I began to be healed even more through your books and courses.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Gemma, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
Most importantly was what I learned in Isaiah 54.
“Enlarge the place of your tent; stretch out the curtains of your dwellings, spare not; lengthen your cords and strengthen your pegs.”
“Fear not, for you will not be put to shame;
And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced;
But you will forget the shame of your youth,
And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.
“For your husband is your Maker,
Whose name is the Lord of hosts;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel,
Who is called the God of all the earth.
“For the Lord has called you,
Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit,
Even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,”
Says your God.”
My Creator is my Husband, and it is He who can and will meet all my needs. Also, forgiveness does not change the other person, but it sets me free.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Gemma?
It was most difficult when he said over and over that he would not return and when he moved to a nearby town where we had lived early in our marriage, and I knew he was with the other woman. It was also horrible when I had the opportunity to talk to him about the possibility of him returning before I knew that this was not only futile but the wrong way. God restores; God directs his path, so why do we try to reason with someone who is not in control? God is in control! Of course, he always dodged the question and said he could not come back because things had gone too far. These were new hurts that I put on myself. If only I had known to remain quiet and speak only to my HH about it!
The worst, though, was during one of these conversations, with me trying to pressure him to return, when, in frustration at my not getting it, he told me the worst news I could have received: the woman he was with was pregnant, and (because I reacted so badly) it got even worse when he told me the OW was a close friend of mine! My husband and I were even her godparents; she lived with us during my first difficult pregnancy and stayed with us during the first months of our son's life.
Once again, I lost the progress I'd made. I questioned God, why?!?!? Why had He put the desire to pray for restoration, when it was hopeless? Why had He allowed the pregnancy to happen? And why had He allowed it to be this young, close friend of mine? Why?!
Gemma, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
Even without any hope, and totally out of character for me, I continued to feel the urge to pray, to trust God with my restoration. At times, it was suffocating, like I felt myself swimming against the currents of the sea. I also made the mistake of looking for testimonies with similar situations as my own, to build my faith. Each time I searched for testimonies, each was far different than my own, and, because of this, I began feeling more and more discouraged. Then, once again, I heard the voice of God saying that “faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” (Hebrew 11:1). He told me: if there is a testimony just like mine, why would He need my testimony? Mine needed to be unique, unlike anyone else's, for God to use it to encourage the hurting and heartbroken.
Tell us HOW it happened, Gemma. Did your husband just walk in the front door? Gemma, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
Once again, it was right after the new year when I received a call from him wishing me a Happy New Year, and then he shouted, "I'm coming back!” I was more than surprised; I was shocked. Foolishly, I began thinking of the difficulties and tribulations that this return would bring if accepted. My time with my HH would cease to be as it had been, but, immediately, I heard my Husband say, "It is time," so I accepted and said, "Yes, that would be lovely, please come home," even though it wasn't how I felt at that moment. A little more than two weeks later, my husband was back home, and a month later, my husband told me the OW lost the baby. My heart broke for her--she too was a victim.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Gemma?
I’d recommend all your resources, beginning with How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, also A Wise Woman and the By the Word of Their Testimonies, but don’t just look for what is similar to your own, but be excited by how unique your journey is. I’d say to do the online courses, read the Daily Encourager and fall in love with your HH. Also for anyone who is struggling with the OW, do the lesson regarding OW is the other victim, which helped me heal and have compassion for my friend.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Gemma?
Yes
Either way, Gemma, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
The family is God's plan, so even though the enemy is trying to steal and destroy your life, God will always be willing to fight for you and for the restoration of your marriage. Exodus 14:13—“Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the Lord which He will accomplish for you today..." If you fight in the flesh, if you try in your own strength, you will continue to do so. Do it His way; find peace now, find the love of a Husband that will heal you of your past.
Want MORE Restored Marriage Testimonies? There are 41 testimonies to read in WOTT5, 35 in WOTT6 and another 31 in WOTT7 for even MORE encouragement.
We also offer By the Word of Their Testimony Full Series Packet: 6 eBooks and in paperback By the Word of Their Testimony Full Series COMBO Packet: Paperback & eBooks.