♕Today's Promise: “Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord Almighty.” Z46
Gillian, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?
We got married 07 months ago and everything was fine, we had some fights but nothing that escaped the so-called ''normality of the first year of marriage''. I tried to do everything at home, or at least I thought I tried, I didn't realize how much I thought I was better than my earthly husband at times, sometimes he said that I was very ironic in my speech, but I never really realized that. Before the wedding, we had an agreement regarding our mothers, that if we didn't want to go visit the other's mother that everything would be fine, and I believed that everything was fine. Until my mother-in-law's demands started and my earthly husband didn't know how to deal with it, whenever he went to visit her (twice a week, she lives relatively close) he came back different and saying that I had to go there, the detail is that I work at the time he was at her house. Anyway, time passed, Mother's Day and his birthday arrived, I decided to surprise him and invited his family and some friends to a barbecue, what I didn't know was that it was going to be the worst barbecue of my life. The enemy was around and found someone to bring, my mother-in-law in this case, that used a situation that had nothing to do to with me to cause a terrible fight with me, on Mother's Day she was furious and decided to scream and humiliate me in front of everyone, my husband was in favor of her which caused me enormous pain. The week went by and he was indifferent to me, so I decided to use tough love, I thought if he didn't want to talk to me then I wouldn't talk, I went to seek advice from the pastors of the church who guided me to pray and to settle with my husband and my mother-in-law. I tried to do this and I did it from the heart, but my husband was not satisfied and he continued to treat me badly, so I used the same tactic he did, he didn't want to talk to me ok, I didn't talk to him either. And so the days went, until on a Saturday we needed to go out to solve some problems and he told me he would travel on Monday and spend the week away for work. I thought: ah that's great, at least I don't have to put up with this kind of treatment''. And so he traveled, he barely spoke to me and I didn't care because it was great not having him at home. I remember that week I prayed asking God to end my marriage because I couldn't take being treated like that anymore. Little did I know that God would answer my request very quickly, that week that he was traveling I told my mother what I was feeling, that I didn't trust my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, that I never wanted to include them in anything I did, that he didn't even want their prayers. My mom was also upset and agreed with me and said let them go. I have a habit of deleting messages so I don't think I still need to reply to them, but I didn't delete this one. When my earthly husband came back, we tried to get well, he brought me gifts and apparently we were fine, I went to take a shower and my cell phone stayed in the room, he took it and read the messages to my mother, when I got out of the shower he was upset, he took my cell phone and with a lot of hate he recorded the message for his mother and sister, in his way and screaming he said horrible things, in addition to squeezing both my arms and pushing me against the wall, at that time while he was packing his suitcase to leave, I was desperate and called my mother-in-law who heard the screams, as well as the whole building after he had attacked me I went to the bathroom and closed the door and he opened the door and kept yelling at me, threw the ring away, tore up a photo that was and left, threw the wedding ring away.
How did God change your situation, Gillian, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
A few years ago I had read Erin's book because of a relationship that had ended, I had already looked into restoration, GOD is wonderful isn't it, I never imagined I would use the book again. I started to practice letting go as soon as he started packing, my mother came to stay with me (she lives in another state) but didn't want anyone but God, so she realized that I had already made the decision to seek God for restoring my marriage and left a day later, and that week I couldn't work, which was great for me, I was able to seek God and read the whole book, and then my Heavenly Husband was showing me what was in my heart that needed to be transformed, it showed me how many times I was proud, wealthy, the ways I despised my husband in my mind and heart, how much I sometimes felt better than him, how careless I was with his things (we had a fortnightly cleaning lady who ironed the clothes and cleaned our house), I ended up dismissing the cleaning lady because my Heavenly Husband taught how pleasant it was to tidy up and clean my house, take care of my husband's clothes and things. My Heavenly Husband showed me the feminist principles that were subtly ingrained in me, through years of self-sufficiency and pride masquerading as female empowerment (yes they're demonic, they're prisons disguised as freedom and equality), how much I didn't want kids because I didn't want to screw up my plans at that moment, sisters, my Heavenly Husband showed me so many things that were in my heart and more than that, it used people to show me how inflexible I was and how much I wanted to be right at any cost. My mother, with a lot of love, told me that I needed to change my way of speaking, to have sweetness in my speech because many times I was a little rough without realizing it. I truly praise my Creator for the chance to go through this desert and have an encounter with me and HIM. Dear sisters, the pain is very great, but believe that this pain will turn into praise when you realize how much GOD LOVES YOU despite being who you are, and HIS love TRANSFORMS. At first I thought it was a little absurd that I was wrong in the story (let me remind you of something, self-righteousness is like filthy rags that's what the Word says, it doesn't matter what the other did when you are before The Lord who is perfect, your faults take on such a huge proportion that you don't feel worthy of judging the other's attitude). I know you are feeling wronged, but if you rationally leave justice to the Lord, you will notice that your desert becomes less heavy and smaller, this does not mean that you instantly forget what happened, but it does mean that you do not attribute all the blame to the other, even because the one who does that is the enemy and you don't want to take his place, do you?!
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), did the Lord teach you during this trial, Gillian?
I used let go very quickly, my Jeffrey blocked me from WhatsApp, which I thought was great, it was one less temptation for me. I read all the resources, I took the courses, I attended sermons on how to be transformed, on the phases of the desert, I sought to be fulfilled by the LORD because I didn't want to need people's love, I didn't want people's approval because that caused me tremendous pain. Letting go and winning without words was what I used the most, during this period that my earthly husband did not speak to me, I wrote a message to him and his mother asking for forgiveness for what I did, I sent it to his mother who replied to me saying that I was forgiven and I sent him an email but before sending I prayed and said, Lord if this email is yours then let him receive it but if not in a way that it does not reach him, sisters, the e-mail did not arrive for the Glory of God, because in that e-mail I was acknowledging all the bad things that I had been, I understood that it was not the time for that and that perhaps this would serve as ammunition for the enemy to humiliate me later. God works when you wholeheartedly submit to Him.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Gillian?
The hardest times were pretending that everything was fine and that my husband was at home because I didn't tell anyone about my situation. The only ones who knew it was two couples of friends who were praying for us and believe in the restoration of marriages and our pastors who also prayed for us and believe in the restoration of marriages. They helped us a lot always directing us to seek Him. In detail, I was in therapy, and I didn't know that my earthly husband didn't like it, he never told me, he told his mother who told me, when I read in the book about submission I had no doubt, I left the psychologist, but I was still afraid of doing the sure thing, that's when I asked God in prayer to show me, then she sent me an audio message saying that it was my right to denounce Jeffrey about what he had done to me, I thanked her for the message and praised God for the prompt response. God is wonderful. I felt the pain of my soul in my body, it was a horrible feeling as if I couldn't stand to get out of it, but every time I felt that way, I went to the Lord's feet and received relief, I cried and told Him everything I felt in my body, my heart and my mind, and I asked for help to believe that HE loved me and that he didn't want a divorce or those pains for me, I received relief because the promise says that we can cast our pains and anxieties on HIM because HE is careful of us. 1P5:7.
Gillian, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
I was reading the bible and I read the verse that says: if you know that your partner has something against you, leave your offer at the altar and be reconciled with him. M52324. So I understood that I needed to ask my husband for forgiveness, but without putting me down as I had done in the other email, asking for forgiveness for having hurt him with my attitude and words, I was a little confused, but I asked God if that was all and I felt Him tell me that yes, that was all I should write, because that's what I did and this time the email was, it was in my outbox. I didn't receive an answer that day, the other day encouraged by my prayer friend, I sent a message to the pastor of the church saying what I had done because since my earthly husband had left the house, I didn't speak to him, I didn't have a response at all. I gave it to God and moved on, at the end of the week the pastor answered me saying that he had called my earthly husband to talk and had told him to seek the Lord, and told me to continue praying, fasting, and seeking God for restoration of my marriage, so I continued to do it and went to find out how the spouse returned home, I watched Erin's videos, read the testimonies and remained in prayer, not with more pain but with the desire to have more of the Lord. Tuesday my earthly husband replied to the email saying that I was forgiven but that he wouldn't talk to me if it wasn't in front of the pastor. I said okay, after all I had already learned to be submissive. I was very afraid of being humiliated, but I received a word that is in Deut 31 that says: ''The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Don't be scared or afraid. I calmed my heart and waited for the day scheduled for the conversation.
Tell us HOW it happened, Gillian? Did Jeffrey just walk in the front door? Gillian did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
On Thursday we went to talk to the pastor, I went alone and so did he. I felt the need to carry the ring in my pocket. Arriving there, I saw him on a bench and went to sit next to him, he greeted me with a hello and we waited for the pastor to call us. It was strange but the whole time I prayed to God that it was done His way, the conversation started, the pastor guided us on seeking God together, on how my earthly husband should see me and that I was his family, not his mother like he put it, that he shouldn't abandon her but I was his priority. I said nothing, except when I was asked something, Jeffrey did not give the answers that I would like to hear as I read in the testimonies, but he returned home the same day, he already had the suitcase in the car, he did not want to talk about it anything, but I learned not to force a conversation and stay in prayer. My desert lasted 32 days, and the restoration was not yet complete in my eyes, because my earthly husband is still far away, even at home he doesn't look for me, he doesn't talk to me only what is necessary, but I keep praying and seeking God. Sisters, it's not easy because the enemy doesn't want to lose my family, the battles in the mind are terrible but at all times I have to submit my thoughts to the Lord and see that in this fight, the enemy is not my earthly husband, but the enemy, I will still testify about the complete restoration of my marriage to the Glory of God.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Gillian?
Yes, the book, the courses, and the videos, the sooner you can apply the teachings mainly letting go, the sooner you will be restored and all the pain you are feeling will be exchanged for satisfaction in the Lord, this will give you strength to endure the evil days and the snares of the enemy.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Gillian?
Yes
Either way, Gillian, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
I know you are hurting a lot and you would like someone to do something for you, that will only happen if you trust that The Lord is powerful enough and He doesn't ignore your pain. He saw and sees things you can't imagine and is ready to keep you from all evil and love you like no one can ever love you, after all, nobody did what He did for you.
Read MORE testimonies in our By the Word of Their Testimony Full Series.