♕Today's Promise: “The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband” 1 Corinthians 7:34
Alyssa, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?
This started when we’d been married for 10 years with 2 beautiful daughters. I believe that, like everyone who arrives at the RMI seeking help to cross this desert, I was a fool who destroyed my own home. I was contentious, proud, I wanted my own way without caring whether it would hurt my husband or not. I had a nice job, which generated a very good income, and several times I threw that in my husband's face that I earned as much as he did and that he should do as much in our home as I did. I didn't think it was "fair" for me to have to take care of the house alone since I put as much money in the house and worked the same 8 hours as he did. Anyway, to sum up, I was not wise enough and my pride took me straight to the desert. My husband became more and more distant until he told me that he would leave and move out of the house as soon as he found a place to stay. My pride was so huge that I didn't even believe he was serious about what he said he'd do because several times he threatened that and I got around the situation after I'd made promises after more promises that I would improve, but it didn't last long and I was the same as always...
A few days later, I lost my job and deep down I thought it would be great because knowing him as I knew him I was sure that he would never abandon me if I was out of a job. As the days went by and he didn't leave the house, I became more and more confident that he would give up on the idea of moving out. But I was wrong, one day he came home saying he was packing and left that morning. I was speechless.
Ashamed, I went through it all alone, without talking to my parents, I told them. I didn't want them to be angry with my husband when he returned. I decided to tell only the people who, like me, believed that God could change my situation and restore my marriage. I didn't need or want advice from anyone who thought differently from the Word of God. He hates divorce. So I surrounded myself with whoever believed that and gave me the strength to continue my battle. Finally, I was no longer a fool but becoming wise.
How did God change your situation, Alyssa, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
That day, completely lost, I fell at the Lord's feet. I could see that he left my life, not because of a lack of love, but because I had indeed become a horrible wife. Selfish, self-centered, self-sufficient, and so on. So first I asked God for forgiveness for being such a fool and for building my home in the sand. Sometimes my husband begged me for attention and said exactly what I should do to save my marriage ... and yet, I ignored his pleas ... how silly ... afterward, I went onto your website ordering everything from your bookstore, requested prayer, and asked them to intercede for my family. I thought that the more people praying for me, the quicker the restoration would be ... check it out! I reached out and posted a prayer request to more than 150 sites to order that God would be merciful to me. But very soon I realized how foolish I was. My husband had already said that I had to change my ways of being who no one wanted to be around, but I didn't listen to him. So God made me realize this the moment he stepped out of the house. In my first prayers, I asked God to mold me and to help me be a woman after His heart. The day I found the RMI website, after ordering everything, I started the courses and devoured the Book How God can and will restore your marriage in less than 2 days.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Alyssa, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
I started to put the book's principles into practice and I stuck to the following passage: "Everything has its own time, and there is time for the whole purpose under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1. After a few months of suffering - which is expected for everyone who goes through this situation - God placed in my heart that everything was a matter of time. I had that very clear in my head. That, in a matter of time, he would return, regardless of the direction our lives had taken. When I understood the principle of “letting go” and resting in God, things became less painful to cross my desert. The pain was gone when I journaled through most of finding my abundant life like so many restored testimonies I read also said.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Alyssa?
At first, I looked for information on social networks, but after seeing something that hurt me, I stopped following it. I was sure that he had started a friendship on the social network with someone he was dating. I was sure they were having a relationship even though - in all the time we were apart - he never posted a photo of the two of them together. Even after I fasted social media, I ended up finding out that he started taking her to parties at his brother's house - which confirmed my certainty even more ... but none of that shook my faith. It just motivated me to discover my own Lover who would transform me with His love.
God is the Creator of the family, He more than anyone was interested in restoring it. And I knew that God was there with me, supporting and comforting me. For several nights I felt the presence of God in the midst of my tears. In the same month, he moved from the city we lived in because he had also lost his job. He stayed at his brother's, uncle's, mother's, aunt's house ... he jumped from house to house, without having a fixed home but never did I hear he was living with the OW (other woman) so each time I was grateful He was working.
Alyssa, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
Most of the few meetings with my husband were cold, he hardly spoke to me, he had a cold hard look in his eyes, but at the same time, he looked sad. I saw in his eyes that he was trying to give me an impression of something that was a lie. Even so, every time I knew I would see him, I asked God for wisdom to be kind regardless of what I saw or what he said. Sometimes I found some excuse for him to talk to me on the phone ... But as time passed and nothing improved, I realized I wasn't trusting God to restore my marriage and again I was in adultery not putting my HH (Heavenly Husband) first, so I gradually let it go and agreed with family and friends to move on. I had no intention of finding a new man because by that time I had my HH (Heavenly Husband)
I believe that at that point I started to rest in the Lord. Enjoy my time with him and came to the point I really questioned if I wanted to be restored or devote my life to the Lord. "To those who are married, here’s my command (to be clear, this isn’t merely my opinion; it comes from the teaching of the Lord): it is not right for a wife to leave her husband. If she does, she must either remain single or reconcile with her husband, but she should not marry someone else. Likewise, the husband should not divorce his wife. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband” 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, 34
What's amazing is that even without a job, I never lacked anything at home. God always touched my parents' hearts or even strangers to provide what was missing, without even mentioning anything to anyone.
Tell us HOW it happened, Alyssa? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Alyssa, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
My youngest daughter became very ill. When I was on my way to the hospital, out of nowhere my husband contacted me by a message asking about the children and I told him where I was going. Worried he asked me to call him to say what she had, he ended the message by asking if I wanted him to come to my house to help me with her. I did not answer. I asked God for wisdom to answer the message. When I did text back, he called me from a very noisy place (it sounded like a party), he said he would call me in 20 minutes from a quieter place. When I spoke to him, I replied that there was no need for him to come home, but that any help would be welcomed. He did come and stayed for a few days, but I saw him on his cell phone while he was in the bathroom, and heard him say “Good morning” and could tell it was the OW (other woman). I got away quickly to speak to my Lover and soon felt calm, but more than ever I was not interested in restoration.
In the bathroom, I asked God for strength so that this onslaught of anything wicked wouldn't affect me anymore. And thanks to Him, it didn't any more! From then on, visits each weekend became more frequent when he'd come during the week.
With little money, picking up the kids, and going back to the city where he lived was expensive, so he started to come and stay at our house all weekend long. We went for walks, we spent family moments that we hadn't had in a long time.
After a few months of being a family, me with my Lover and clearly, his lover was gone, we agreed to move to the city where we live today. We went together to choose the best home for us. At our youngest daughter's birthday party, he started to introduce me as his wife and since then, to the honor and glory of the Lord, our marriage has been fully restored.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Alyssa?
Yes of course. Everything I’ve mentioned.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Alyssa?
Yes, of course.
Either way, Alyssa, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Don't give up on your family. Keep your focus on God, not circumstances. God will honor every tear, every knee on the floor because He is with you! Fall in love with your HH (Heavenly Husband) and save yourself all the pain that comes with being rejected. Let go, move on and find yourself an abundant life.
Find more understanding and to overcome the hurdles: #Letting Go and #Contentious Woman simply click on the #TAG linked to Restored Marriage Testimonies.
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You'll find this in By the Word of Their Testimony (Book 10): "Blessings will Come and Overtake You"
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