♕ Today's Promise: "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you [from captivity]; I have called you by name; you are Mine!” Isaiah 43:1
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~ Tiara in Poland
I want to praise my Beloved Heavenly Husband for having set me free from my fear of returning to Scotland.
I don't know if the decision to return to Poland after my separation was right. I must have listened to my mother's voice, because she prompted me to come back here. I did not have a relationship with the Lord at the time, nor did I know RMI (Restore Ministries International). On the other hand, I feel as if these few years here were a time of transformation with the Lord and healing. In fact, it was only here that I truly accepted Him as the Lord of my life, began to have a relationship with Him, and then I got to know Him as my Heavenly Husband. I am a completely different person from the one who arrived. I do not count how many relationships the Lord has restored and how many areas in my life He has transformed. I have the impression that this stage of my journey is complete, which is why He called me to the next one - return to Scotland.
I thought about it from time to time since I was here, but I really didn't want to. I was terrified of going back to Scotland and the places where I had experienced the worst stage of my life. Bad memories overshadowed all good ones. For a long time I had no hope of any restoration, I did not know RMI and my earthly husband, Alan, did not want to have any contact with me, he was arranging his life anew. I also did not want to leave my family and relatives.
I love my country and everything related to it, my city, my hometown. I didn't want to let it go. As my relationship with Alan healed a lot and we started seeing each other and talking again, I mentioned several times that I could move, but I was always faced with rejection and harsh words afterwards. Therefore, I was justifying my decision to stay, that in fact I also submit to Alan. I think I had to mature for all of this. This time, when I started looking for the guidance of the Lord, whether He wanted me to stay in my current place or move, the thought of leaving came very strongly, followed by many confirmations.
This time, I honestly told Him that I do not want to leave, about my reasons and fears, BUT if it is His will, I will do so and asked Him to change my desires and will according to His and to free me from the fear that was a huge hurdle. I was very scared that I would be isolated there as I used to be, because I don't have any family and I keep in touch with only one friend and bad things will start happening to me, like in the past. The Lord took away my fear, gave me the belief that it was from Him and helped me change my perspective: remembering good memories (for the first time in several years I was able to see my pictures from Scotland without pain in my heart and negative emotions), thinking about what I can be excited about (like going with my Husband and a new adventure with Him).
The last thing He showed me was that Alan hadn't forbidden me to go there, he said he didn't want me to go there for him. Previously that was actually my only reason to return to Scotland, now my eyes have opened and I have realized that I am not doing this for him but for my Heavenly Husband who for some reason wants me to be there.
Alan asked me this time, when he found out that I wanted to come back, if I was doing it for him, to which I had a prepared answer that no, he can be calm and continue to live his life, I will not get in his way. The topic was over and he didn't mind and even started helping me find a flat afterwards, getting excited and encouraging me to stay in the United Kingdom. At the same time, when he knew nothing about my departure yet, he said (on our anniversary day) that he wanted to divorce me. Then, when he found out that I was definitely going to Scotland, he said that he would see a notary to arrange the divorce papers, but if it would be beneficial for me to postpone the divorce - by gaining his citizenship for which he was applying - then he would arrange to file for divorce later.
I left this decision to him, saying that I trust that he will make the best decision and he should choose what suits him best. I don't know if the divorce is in the process, or if I come, we'll be divorced soon. It all doesn't make sense and might scare me, but I don't feel any fear, pain, sadness or anger. I have peace, joy and I am loved by my Heavenly Husband, what I see at every step. I trust that He has control and a good plan for me, that He will use whatever is happening for my good and for His glory. I am looking forward to the next adventure I will have with Him, regardless of my status. I believe His promises, not what I see with my eyes and in my circumstances.
"Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.” Psalm 34:5
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you [from captivity]; I have called you by name; you are Mine!” Isaiah 43:1
"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”Joshua 1: 9
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