Dear ladies,
I have to share this you. App. before tree weeks I came finally at the place, when I was able to tell Him from ALL my heart „I give You myself. Use me for what You need, even if it means I will lost all my dreams and plans“ Yes, very late on my journey, but Thank You my Darling that I came here.
But after few days saying this I was disappointed and confused. My eh started to behaved toward me very bad and moreover like never before our 4years daughter also and I failed also more times . I was totally down, crying, crying and asking why this happened. Like this we were not very motivating Christians family I had no physical power, no joy, no praise to write anything.
And within one week I got very clear answer from the Lord. Let me share it with you:: „Never doubt. If you give me yourself, the things that will happen after that will be no by mistake. I am working in you through it. Just love and believe.“
Well, in that moment I felt like big stone felt from my heart, because I really saw He has it under control and it is working for good. But the next things what came to my mind was, ou so to give You life means suffering, problems, many tears?…. Uuu, that is not very motivating. Do not get depressive sweet ladies, it is absolutely not like that!!! 
Already now I see what this dark valley helped me with:
1. I needed to solve the behavior of our daughter with my eh. I was asking him, listening and thanking him that he took over the situation because I could not anymore and I saw how happy he was, that I gave him feeling he is the head of our family who we respect and listen.
2. Another things was that I needed to realize that even she is 4 and the oldest from another 2 she needs more my attention and more my time and it really changed her behavior immediately. And I really love and enjoy the time with her.
3. I was pushed to look for my spirituals vitamins I needed and I found great verses from His words to find peace and stay in peace. I was exhausted and many times I exploded and sinned with my anger. During this 3 weeks much more than before. So when she starts the weird bad behavior and I stay now in peace, she calm down very quickly.
Now after 3 weeks of wild river we have in our family joy and peace again. Thank YOUUUUUU 
John 16:24 “Ask and you will receive, and your JOY will be complete.” So no, no only tears and suffering, but COMPLETE JOY!!!J
much love Anissa
Thank you Anissa for sharing this and what He taught you during this period of your journey.
HLM to share this lesson: https://loveatlast.org/finding-the-abundant-life/chapter-10-surrender/ and I want to share this part of the chapter here:
“‘The very first time that we surrender our “lives” to the Lord and accept His plan of salvation, we take the first step. All of us can remember the freedom and joy that meant: feeling clean, forgiven, and for the first time, our future looked bright. But God is not satisfied (thank you, Jesus) to leave us there. He tells us that He wants to bring us from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18).’
‘As we move from glory to glory, His Holy Spirit will slowly begin showing us different areas of our lives that need to be refined. Ultimately, He will ask us to surrender that thing (or person) in our lives to His loving hands—HIS plan for our lives or “Thy will be done.” It normally begins with a trial or feelings that overwhelm us: we simply can’t do it or face it anymore. It is then that either we try to make just “one more plan” or we recognize that we are again in a place of surrender.'”
Love, love and love! Yes, we are moms get tired! Especially when our children are small and so close to each other, we get frustrated and lose our temper. A while ago I was feeling the same way you share, and my mom´s guilt was all over me, and then He reminded me that He is the source of my strength and that my children are His as well! He spoke to my heart and told me that I am not perfect and I needed to point my children to Him, who is perfect and can change everything in a minute! The twins were really misbehaving and doing interesting things, so He led me to this chapter on Homeschooling for Him, Chapter 5 “Love Covers”: https://encouragingwomen.org/h4h/ch5/, and to record this Podcast: https://youtu.be/CCL_2AMJQrI
We are loved and cherished and He will open the way when we put Him first, a day at the time!
“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they will rise up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31.
Beautiful testimony Anissa!! thank you for sharing 💖 We need to be remembering that trials have a purpose, even if it hurts at the moment He brings a lot of good as long as we surrender to Him.