RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “He had to Give Me the ‘God Makeover’”

 

Tina, how did your restoration actually begin?

As far as I knew we were "fine" but all too soon I realized that it was just in my head—my husband was not fine with anything. We had a lot of discussions, but he was always a quiet person, and never said much, I was the one doing most, if not all the talking.

At one point, I became unemployed and bored, I turned a lot more of my attention on him. I commented at what time he arrived home, and what time he left each morning. I became a person obsessed, argumentative, whining and complaining whenever he was around. This only kept him away more and more, trying to avoid me. When he was at home, he spent more and more time on his cell phone and made up reasons to stay at work or pick up more shifts to avoid me. Because he was never at home and when he was, we fought, I should have realized the end was about to happen.

Then one weekend he just did not come home and I went crazy. When he finally came home two days later, I got in his face demanding he answer me, but instead of the quiet person who just took what I dished out, he replied telling me to just "shut up" threw clothes into a suitcase and walked out of the house never saying another word.

The next day he sent me a very extensive message on my cell phone telling me that he was leaving me for good, that he did not love me anymore and that he was not sure where he was going to go but whatever he did, he wanted nothing to do with me, ever!

How did God change your situation, Tina, as you sought Him wholeheartedly? 

This first week he was gone I did not sleep, not at all. Instead, I stood at the window crying and waiting for him to open the front gate to our garden. This, of course, did not happen.

I guess I’d already suspected that there was OW, mainly because he’d recently changed the way he dressed. He often came home looking disheveled and I could smell the perfume on his clothing. I would have accused him but I didn't want to believe it because I was so scared of losing him to someone else.

So on Monday morning, God spoke to my heart while in prayer. So, sleepily, I got up and searched the internet for something about marriage testimonies and found RMI. I read the RYM book in three days, prayed and fasted. I asked the Lord three times to show me and confirm His Purpose for our relationship and He was faithful to show me His desire to restore our marriage, but first, He had to give me the “God Makeover.” 

As I began the course, my EH would come and go from our home—primarily to get more of his things. During those times that he went, I was much calmer and sweeter and never once asked him for anything, even though it hurt me inside to see him always leaving and walking out on me. But I'd learned to have a gentle and quiet spirit and fasting helped to kill the flesh that would have been in his face demanding answers.

I also prayed to the Lord to keep me from knowing anything more about the OW, who she was, where she/they were and what they were doing. He was so faithful to do this for me!

As I was still unemployed, away from family and friends, away from the church, I began to realize that everything was the Lord's purpose and became content. "You have taken away my friends and my companions from me; darkness is my only company." Psalm 88:18.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Tina, did the Lord teach you during this trial? 

To keep silent, speaking only to my HH in my heart about anything and everything.

Do not ask for help from your EH or anyone else, again, ask your HH and He will cause it to happen.

Do not pursue him or even seek to know what he does and who the OW is or anything about what is going on—keep your eyes on Him alone. 

Pray for the hedge of thorns and for all truth to surface, for the adulterous woman to become bitter.

Fasting and prayer for EH and OW's life, for both of them—to have an encounter with God.

Always answer that everything is fine when anyone asked about us.

Daily reading of the Word. (I became very hungry for the Word and for speaking to my HH). Every time any sort of pain came, I would run to the Bible, talk to Him and peace would come right back.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Tina?

As I traveled my restoration journey, obeying the principle of "letting go" may have been the hardest. But also difficult was changing from panicking about being unemployed and instead embracing my situation because it was part of His plan. I was already firm in the Lord's Promises but before I would never do what I knew was right, so I had to break that spirit of rebellion I'd had all my life and do what was right—like leave my EH alone. Also not to focus on the OW because this wasn't about her but about me and Him.

I was becoming a different person and everyone commented, which is about the same time my EH started to miss me and sent messages asking me to come back. When I got there, he was back from work and waiting in our house for me. I was afraid everything was not ready, I knew I was not, but I thanked the Lord that He was with me when I went back home.

Tina, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?  

The turning point, I may not be able to really explain. So it was shortly after I was home and we'd had a few weeks of peace when I discovered that he was talking to another woman, a person close to my family. Because I thought we were "restored" the news knocked me over. 

Instead of being restored, it was actually part of my test and I failed. I forgot all the principles I'd already learned, exposed myself as the Pharisee I'd always been as I exposed my husband's cheating to everyone! I slandered more people before I was done, but then God in His infinite mercy reminded me of the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. I picked it up again and started doing my journal all over again, restarted the courses and stopped chasing my EH or restoration. That's when I realized I'd missed the part where I needed to fall for Him as my Husband, which is why I fell into the trap and failed my test.

God was faithful to test me again once I'd wanted only the Lord. When "You're all I want, You're all I need, You're all I live for" was how I really felt. Asking me home again, I discovered that he had sought the same person, the same OW as he'd first been involved with, but this time I acted differently. I cared more about keeping my HH close and just delivered my EH into the hands of the Lord. I had no desire to keep the man who cheated, for as long as I do, I will never see the transformation in me or in our marriage that we need. My HH is more than enough and once I realized and lived this way— everything turned around in my life.

Tell us HOW it happened, Tina? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Tina, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored? 

I continued living in our home, keeping my HH first and as much as anyone could ever claim, we are living happily ever after. I thank the Lord that He is with me just as close as when I was on my restoration journey. I was wrong not to have sent my testimony, thinking it was not restored. But I am home and even though He continues working in our lives, I realized He always will be. I came to my senses while reading a restored marriage when she'd confessed that it was a sin not giving God the praise He deserved, which motivated me to submit mine.

What rings true is that even when there are trials after restoration, I believe that as long as our HH remains first, as Erin said in her videos, I know it's just the enemy trying to steal my peace and make me doubt what God has done.

Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Tina?

I recommend EVERYONE read the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, which helped me in incredible ways! Knowing what to do in a crisis, before a marriage crisis hits, is so important. Why isn't it mandatory reading for every Christian and every church? Why is everyone so ignorant?

Today I send Chapter 1 (click on the cover) to everyone that I know, whether they are needing help or not, and I have already received so many messages back thanking me. Glory to God! Soon I will be sending them Chapter 1 of A Wise Woman workbook and then sending them links to the Abundant Life courses.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Tina? 

Yes, of course, I already do that.

Either way, Tina, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Do not continue to battle! This battle is God's, He will battle for us while we get our “God Makeover.” Even though it may seem difficult, try not to look at the circumstances, keep your focus on your  Heavenly Husband and everything else will fade away. I'm saying this because that's what I need too. I know we'll get all the love we need from only One source. Never take your eyes off the Lord and soon you will be sharing your testimony with everyone too!!!