♕ Today's Promise: "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward.” Psalm 127:3.
Lydia, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?
Well, we met, dated, got engaged and I got pregnant. So we got married. He was my first boyfriend and the first I was ever intimate with. I have always been very jealous, and the enemy has always used this to control my life. I began hearing rumors about my husband, saying he was betraying me, which at the time was not true, but whenever I heard something, I remember fighting and accusing him without giving him a chance to say a word in his defense or set me right. So with that going on, I was always suspicious of everything he told me he was going to do. I was a nightmare, to be honest. I would interrogate him before he left to know where he was going, what he was doing and then did the same when he came back.
Besides living through this, during our fights I was unbearable. I wanted to have the last word. I said things that attacked his manhood and just him as a person. Often I’d get to the point of becoming aggressive. And whenever we fought, he said things from the past. For example, remember that day when..... and the fight became more intense, screaming so loud for everyone in the building to hear.
The fights over time became worse and the suspicion increased due to my EH (earthly husband) working at night for extra money as an Uber driver. Besides the comments about him cheating on me were increasing and with more details. In one discussion I remember I told him if he was not happy, take his things and leave. This happened when he’d come home at noon after getting off late in the morning. But until then I didn't know that there was an OW (other woman), which came much later, many months after I began accusing him (and later he told me he said he might as well cheat since I accused him). After I kicked him out is when he hooked up with the first one. Friends never tell your husband to get out or accuse them of cheating because you are just as much at fault. You will regret it and when you ask them to return, they won’t. This is what I did and how all of this happened. I asked if there was another woman but he denied it and I couldn't understand why he didn't come back.
We owned a small coffee bar that I was supposed to take care of, but in my arrogance and stupidity I didn't want to take care of it anymore and told him so. It was then that he hired a girl to look after the store and later I discovered it was his new girlfriend.
I discovered this when some relatives came to get coffee and seeing her showed me pictures of him on a trip with the two of them she’d posted on facebook.
It was terrible because at the same time I called him saying a lot and telling him to get that woman out of there. The coffee bar was located a block from my house, where I lived with my daughter and auntie. This is where my most intense furnace began but it’s where I met my Heavenly Husband who gradually transformed me. I always wanted the restoration of my marriage, and that's when I started to search on the Internet to find out about it. I was directed by everyone to the RMI. As I read the book [How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage], I realized how wrong I was, how contentious, arrogant and impatient I was.
A week later I took the first of a dozen of your courses and applied them to my life. Gradually everyone started to see my transformation. Even my EH (earthly husband) noticed and was puzzled.
It was a long journey to kill my flesh and act as our Beloved tells us to do to please Him and to find true peace and happiness. It wasn't easy at all. And I confess that sometimes I wanted my Beloved to make an exception just so that I didn't need to obey Him in something specific that hurt me a lot.
I learned a lot and am grateful for the time in the desert that I spent. Just the two of us. My Beloved and me. People find it strange when I say that. But I really feel grateful, because today I can be different and help the women around me not to act in ways that they later regret.
When reading the book [How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage] a woman knew about Erin as a result of her having a baby after she’d determined she would have no more children. I knew that I needed to stop taking contraceptives, but since my EH (earthly husband) told me to take them, I submitted but I longed to have more children again. Then one day in my bathroom I fervently prayed to my HH (Heavenly Husband) and I told Him that I gave Him my womb and my whole body and my family, leaving everything into His hands. I’d always wanted a son and often my daughter asked me for a baby brother and every time she asked me for this I told her to pray and we would trust our Heavenly Father for His perfect plan. Only He could give us this tremendous blessing.
So at the end of the year, my EH (earthly husband) spent it with us just as I’d asked my HH (Heavenly Husband) for. I continued to take the pill as usual and was submissive to my EH but my longing for a child increased. Then in March I found out I was two months pregnant. It was a bit scary because my EH was not with us. So, again I cried to Him because I didn't really want it to be that way and told Him I just trusted in His power and He was so merciful that He answered my every request.
As of today it's been four and a half months since my EH (earthly husband) came back, enjoying our new baby boy and being a family again. My EH told me that he chose to take care of his family after seeing the incredible change in me. When he told me I restrained myself but wanted to shout “All Glory to God!!!” because if it were not for Him, nothing that I am living today would have been possible. He is faithful and I believe in Him and will never doubt Him again in anything!
How did God change your situation, Lydia, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
My Beloved has transformed me from the inside. He healed me of my childhood wounds and traumas, gave me enormous security due to His love for me. What was fundamental is my self-worth as being His, not in self-esteem or self-love but His love. All that garbage is what created the unbearable contentious woman who I am so thankful is gone. He taught me His principles with every step I took, showered in His love.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Lydia, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
I learned several principles. First was to put your Heavenly Husband first and as proof, no matter what, be submissive to my husband, to trust God without hesitation. They were the main ones that helped me not to go back to the old me.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Lydia?
The most difficult times were when my EH (earthly husband) came and went and my daughter was crying a lot. It killed me inside because I’d known I was at fault. But I always tried to follow what Erin says. I trusted in a way that I can't explain. And I always cried out to Him especially when I thought I was going to sink and He gave me His hand and lifted me up.
Lydia, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
Well I believe it was a day that my EH (earthly husband) saw each other by chance after several months of letting go. He’d taken the OW (other woman) to live with him again and my daughter found out through a cousin. I already knew, but I didn't say anything. I just trusted my HH (Heavenly Husband). At about this time my Beloved embraced me one difficult day and told me “it has already ended, get ready for his return.” So in my heart I had the feeling that there would be a test.
My daughter went to the coffee house (where he was working with the OW) and asked him if it was true and so when my EH (earthly husband) saw me, he accused me of sending her to speak to him. I kept my cool and said that I already knew before she knew and that I had no reason to say anything to her, not wanting to hurt her or to cause her to dishonor him as her father. I told him not to worry that I would talk to our daughter so she wouldn't act like that again and told him that she was following my bad example as a contentious woman, the kind of person I didn’t want her to ever become. It was then that his attitude changed completely, and a day later, he called me saying he realized I’d changed but he’d never come back. I assured him he was free to do whatever made him happy and I didn’t blame him at all. He said a few cutting remarks but I continued to treat him with great affection and love. Something I would never have achieved. Only my Beloved could transform a person like me like this.
It was then that we started to see each other more and more. He promised that he would come back, but I got pregnant and our final test came. He suspected the baby was not his, but I never had been with another man besides my husband, not ever in my whole life. I waited and waited patiently for God to defend me and Glory to Him, the Lord spoke to his heart assuring him it was his.
Tell us HOW it happened, Lydia? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Lydia, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
As I said, he made several promises that he would return and that's what happened. I had a doctor's appointment for an ultrasound close to where he lived and he said he wanted to come. So he came and we went home together. Hallelujah. The next day he moved his things home.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Lydia?
I recommend all the tools that Erin has given to us and are readily at our disposal. Especially the book [How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage] every woman seems to find when searching for help.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Lydia?
Yes
Either way, Lydia, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Believe me dear friend, even if your thoughts and desires are to want to give up, in the midst of the daily struggles you have been through, you just have to believe. Our Beloved is wonderful and cannot lie. Share your heart with Him, speak His Word as His promises to you and really believe that what He puts in your heart will be the outcome of your journey. Don’t throw it all away due to emotions and lies. Run to Him. Dear friend, don't give up because it will be worth it and these days will be the best of your life!
Find more understanding and to overcome the hurdles: #Contentious Woman and #Letting Go simply click on the #TAG linked to Restored Marriage Testimonies.
Filed under hashtags#: contentious, letting go, emotionally healed
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