♕ Today's Promise: “If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.” John 13:17
Ruby, how did your restoration actually begin?
Hello Brides! I dreamed of the day I would see my testimony on this site, and Praise the Lord, this day has come!
My heart is to share with you some details of my testimony, focusing more on my attitude, rather than exposing my husband. Ever since my journey began, I've searched for a similar testimony as mine, and I have yet to find one. So for quite a while, I thought that perhaps my situation meant that my marriage would not be restored. But now I know that ALL marriages can be blessed with a restoration, Glory to God because He promises nothing is impossible for Him!
I have been married for 15 years, plus another 4 years when I dated my husband. Our relationship has always had its ups and downs, but I really believed we were both happy. During this time, my husband actually cheated on me a few times, but I always found out. I also ended up cheating on him, but he never discovered my betrayal. Since he didn't know about my sin, I kept pointing to his, whenever we had an argument, and using his betrayals to manipulate him to do what I wanted him to do. As a result, I became the leader of our home; my husband was totally dependent on me, and I foolishly believed, "Our marriage will only end if I want it to." I was spiritually contentious and arrogant because I had been a "Christian" much longer than he had been. But the only thing I was more of was being more of a hypocrite—because all my actions were contrary to what God's Word tells us and how we should behave if we are a follower and a believer!
How foolish I was, and as a result, I almost destroyed my marriage forever. Yet God in His infinite mercy rescued me, and I began the true transformation in my life, starting it in the worst way I had imagined: God taking my husband from me.
“You [God] have removed lover and friend far from me; My acquaintances are in darkness” (Psalm 88:18). “You [God] have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out” (Psalm 18:8).
It happened in December when I began to notice my husband's different attitude towards me. A man who had always been very affectionate, caring and romantic was now completely frustrated with me and treating me strangely. Over Christmas, I called him at work, just to talk and to ask him what was going on, and I heard what I didn't really expect: "I don't know if I love you anymore." My God, what did he mean?! He was always madly in love with me; it was impossible for me to be hearing those words. Immediately, my world fell—I cursed; I fought; I tried to blackmail him, but nothing shook him. So I realized that this was very serious. He said there was no woman involved, but I had a hard time believing it. We were still married, but our relationship was horrible. My husband no longer said that he loved me, gave me nothing emotionally, left home every night and came back only at dawn, without saying a word to me. To make him stop, I was always fighting, arguing, wanting to argue. But by February, he said he would be moving to another place to live because he thought it would be better to take a break from living with me.
How did God change your situation, Ruby, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
My transformation started on a vacation that I had already booked with my daughter and a few of my friends. I went, even though my husband said he would not come as planned. During this trip, I had a true encounter with God. He directed me to read the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage that someone had sent me, telling me it was what she was reading. (Which I now see as so brave, because she sent it to all her friends, and none of us knew she and her husband were having marriage issues.) God gave this to me as a sign that I, too, needed to make sure it was not the end of my marriage, and after reading it, I was confident that God would change my situation.
Instantly, I understood that God had taken my husband from me so that He could make a real transformation in my life. Glory to God for rescuing me from the world of deception and opening my eyes!! I plunged headlong into the book.
When I came to the part stating that if I had committed adultery against my husband that I needed to confess it to him, I became really annoyed. Yet, God wouldn't let me go, and I began to feel I was being crushed. Under the weight, I came to realize that everything we were going through was due to my unconfessed sin of betrayal. I began to see God dealing with me because from that moment I could only see my sins and how foolish I had been until that moment. God showed me that this situation had been created by Him to transform my life and to do so He also needed to show me how to move my marriage from the sinking quicksand, to rebuild it steadily on the Rock.
“‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope’” (Jeremiah 29:11).
“That men may know from the rising to the setting of the sun that there is no one besides Me. I am the LORD, and there is no other, the One forming light and creating darkness, causing well-being and creating calamity; I am the LORD who does all these” (Isaiah 45:6–7).
“Therefore everyone who hears these Words of Mine, and acts upon them, may be compared to a wise man, who built his house upon the rock. And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded upon the rock. Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on sinking sand” (Matthew 7:24-25).
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Ruby, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
The main principles were letting go, to win without words, to possess a meek and quiet spirit and especially to bring all things first to God and never to speak to friends, pastors, etc...as I used to do.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Ruby?
Even though I knew all the principles in the book (after reading it so many times and even after going through the Course and journaling), I couldn't control my tongue, nor follow the principle of winning without a word. After coming back from my vacation, my husband didn't talk about leaving home but kept treating me like I didn't exist, so just like the contentious woman I'd always been, I started confronting him!
Oh, how foolish and how painful when we do things we learn are wrong. Dear Bride, please don't do this, Beloved Ones; it only brings even more pain. What Erin says is true—the war will only be won WITHOUT WORDS (and you will read later how true it is).
So, by confronting, I heard from my husband's mouth and saw in his face that he really didn't love me anymore, that he didn't miss me while I was gone, and he told me flat-out that he had no desire to be with me anymore. By confronting him, those words of his entered my heart like a spear, their hurt went deep into my soul, and I ended up reacting—letting my anger speak more loudly due to the pain. Rather than doing it the right way, I blurted out and tried to hurt him by telling my husband about my adultery, not in order to humbly confess, but to hurt! Telling him was all based on anger, not by His Gentle Spirit. When we confess our sins, it cannot be motivated by anger, because God will not be part of this nonsense. We must pray and ask God for the best time and for Him to provide an opportunity to confess (just as the book and courses tell us).
Once I shouted this "confession," my husband stood up from the couch, packed his bags and left the house. From then on, I faced the most difficult times. I heard from him the harshest words I have ever heard in my life from anyone; among the many was my husband saying that he was disgusted with me, that he would never look in my face again, that he would never touch me again, and he even said that he was going back to one of his previous lovers. If there is a description for the “valley of the shadow of death,'' I say that this day I tumbled headlong into this valley. The pain I experienced, the deep desire to die, the longing to disappear from the face of the earth, begging God to allow me to sleep and to wake me up only when the nightmare was all over, that was something I never thought I’d face—not in a million years!
To add to my pain, the enemy who once accused me of committing adultery now accused me of stupidly confessing my adultery, and this enemy said that because I confessed that my marriage was over; it had no chance of ever being healed. It’s such a lie. God honors those who do the right thing, and though I didn’t do it the right way, but entirely the wrong way, even then this principle is powerful.
God says in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” And “He who covers his transgressions shall not prosper”(Proverbs 28:13). He is true to His Word!
Ruby, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
The turning point was when I started taking the "Hope at Last" course. I decided that this time I would apply all the principles, as painful as each seemed. The very next day, I began to see God acting in my life. The day after my EH said those horrible words I quoted above, I remained silent and praying as he said those words for a second time. Because I said nothing, he finished by saying that he was contacting a lawyer and to be ready for his lawyer to contact me. He said that he wanted me to sign the divorce papers that week. Again, I didn't reply, just nodded, and I kept praying, trusting Him to battle for me!
“Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the Lord which He will accomplish for you today..." (Exodus 14:13).
Before he left, I went to give him a hug; he resisted and stepped back. So again, I said nothing, nodded that I understood, but then suddenly he turned around and hugged me, which led to us being intimate. Glory to God, within minutes of hearing that he was disgusted with me for the second time, God rewarded my obedience! My hope was igniting even more and even more; I witnessed how powerful His principles are.
After we were intimate, my EH left the house and didn't tell me where he was going, and this time I let him go (following the letting go principle). It wasn't just that I didn't try to stop him or follow him, I followed the principle in my heart, which is where God sees and what He looks at. “I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give to each man according to his ways, according to the results of his deeds” (Jeremiah 17:10). I honestly didn't care, which is why I didn't ask anything at all. I, instead, was glad he was gone, so I could dive deeper into the courses. I read the book again, for the fifth time, moved on to Courses 2 and 3, and I started reading the Bible through, using the recommended app. I began fasting, and I gave my life completely to the Lord—which is when He became my Savior for the first time!
I called myself a Christian because I went to church, but I don't believe I was one until this moment. I began to have a relationship with the Lord for the first time in my life. I put Him first in my life, and soon He became my first Love, my Heavenly Husband.
The next morning, after my Beloved and I became Lovers, my EH texted me, telling me that he would forgive me and that he would never talk about it again, and he also would never again talk about divorce—glory to God! From that day on, my EH came to visit us regularly (we have an 8-year-old son), and sometimes we were intimate, but for the most part, he remained very cold and distant from me. But by this time, the rejection no longer hurt; I had a Lover, and I would simply give it to my HH and knew it was in God's hands.
Two weeks after my husband had left home, God put in my heart to fast for favor for 3 days, starting on Friday and ending on Sunday. Then at the end of the fast, I was to start praying with my son for 7 days at 6 am, because the word of the Lord says that "I love those who love me, and those who seek me at dawn will find me" (Proverbs 8:17). It says, "Because where two or three are together in my name, I am there with them" (Matthew 18:20). So before he got ready for school, I prayed different promises aloud, and my son said "amen," agreeing with me.
We started this campaign on Sunday, and by Monday—my husband showed up at home unexpectedly, and he slept at home all week! From that day on, he slept at home during the week, but on weekends he slept elsewhere. (I never knew and still don't, and of course, I didn't ask.) Talk about building my son’s faith in prayer and in God doing the impossible!!!
As far as our restoration, he was practically back; he just had to bring his suitcase home. But when our victory is coming, the enemy gets desperate and changes his focus, trying to make us give up. His scheme was when I found out something after my husband's partial return, about two weeks into it. A "friend" made it a point of contacting me, telling me that my husband was with another woman. He'd been with her for 6 months. She said she was very afraid of how I'd react when I heard this news. She thought for sure I would be devastated, but God was already preparing me for that unwelcomed conversation, and when I received the news I was able to thank her, and then I hung up and rejoiced—because I knew the time was getting closer. Also for the practicality of it, I knew I had much more time to be alone with my HH, and that made my heart soar!
The next scheme the enemy tried (because the first scheme didn't affect me but resulted in pure joy) was him using my husband to say words that were intended to worry or hurt me. My EH told me that he would never, ever step into a church again, that he hated all Christians (because they were all hypocrites) and that all Christians were miserable believers and lived with a broken life. He said he'd never seen a prosperous believer and that he would never again tithe or give an offering in order to make pastors rich. I started a fast this very day, and of course, God had the last word on this too!!
Tell us HOW it happened, Ruby. Did your husband just walk in the front door? Ruby, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
My husband left home again for a while when my son was away staying with relatives, but I continued to rejoice—applying all the principles I learned here, and I told him that I would not stand in his way. (Things, of course, got fierce, because we were so close, as Erin prepares us to remember.) A few weeks passed, but then one day he just showed up with all of his things. He has been living at home with my son and me for over nine months now.
The truth is, I don't know if he still has contact with OW; he never told me about her. (I only knew from my “friend.”) I believe that often he used to make up stories, and even though I knew he was lying, I never confronted him, because "love believes all things," and the bottom line is that I know God knows and is in control. I also know that my HH doesn’t want me to be hurt (though, with Him, I never could be).
Each time, I just turned any problem or concern to my HH and then focused on living as His bride. Is it easy? No, it wasn't easy every time. Sometimes I thought I was silly, weak, cowardly, but God showed me that shutting up was proof that I was being strong because it is not easy for you to choke on your own flesh to live literally from the spirit. God told me that by not knowing if he was through with the OW, He was giving me an even greater testimony, and that’s why my EH did not return as I expected.
“For among them are those who enter into households and captivate silly women weighed down with various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of Truth” )2 Timothy 3:6-7).
I've come to realize that during our restoration journey, we end up idealizing a husband’s return. That's based on fairytales, but I realize that in almost all the testimonies I've read in all the books that does not happen. Yet, there's a real reason why God doesn't complete the restoration the moment a husband walks through the door. It's just too easy to go back to your old ways; we each need the motivation to make us want to continue to fast, continue to do our lessons, continue to wake early to spend time alone with our HH.
Whether or not he says he loves me (yet thankfully doesn't treat me like he used to, so I don't try to take control again), today I'm a different woman, a different wife. Instead of complaining that he comes home late, I thank my HH, because he's coming home, and I have more time alone with Him. Everything is something to rejoice over, whether it's good or bad. It's a beautiful way to live! My life and my husband's life are being rebuilt and grounded in the Rock, and we are no longer on the sinking sand.
Even though my husband said he’d never step into a church again, that all Christians were hypocrites, miserable, broken, not prosperous, and that he would never again tithe or give an offering in order to make pastors rich, the week he returned and asked about why I was tithing, and I told him about my storehouse, giving him the chapter on Opening the Windows of Heaven for men, he began to tithe to RMI too!!!
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Ruby?
I recommend reading and owning the books How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and A Wise Woman. Then just follow the restoration journey map, and go through all your online courses.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Ruby?
For sure!!
Either way, Ruby, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Be sure to continue to apply all the principles, especially to win without words. Also, I ask absolutely nothing of my EH, nor do I question him in any way, as I learned in A Wise Woman. Instead, I know I have a HH and a Heavenly Father who will take care of all my needs. I know that I will know what God wants me to know, and whatever my EH does not tell me, I know that God is saving me from any pain. I am no longer the silly foolish woman I used to be. “For among them are those who enter into households and captivate silly women weighed down with various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of Truth” (2 Timothy 3:6-7).
As most testimonies attest to after a husband returns home—it gets much harder, not easier, because applying the principles with him living here is much more difficult. Yet, I'm so thankful for all of this.
YES, my marriage is RESTORED, even though the enemy often tries to put in my mind that it's not (because it's not the way I dreamed it would be). So to each of you brides, it's lovely to dream about restoration, the fairytale version, but just as marriage wasn't the fairytale we’d imagined, neither is restoration. Just remember that you CAN be more than happy where you are NOW, in the midst of your journey, even when everything looks hopeless when you have a Lover.
Learn to live with Him now; then when you are restored, and all throughout your journey, you will find the Abundant Life and live it for the rest of your life. From the moment that my HH became everything I wanted, everything I needed, and became the reason for my living—nothing else mattered—and the pain was gone—replaced with sheer joy!
To the woman who is reading my testimony, I pray to God that the next testimony is yours and that reading mine right now will help you reach for the life I am living!!! DON'T GIVE UP, EVER, FOR NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD!!!
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