RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “I Left my Anxiety and Anguish Behind Me”

Adalene, how did your restoration actually begin?

It all started in our second year of marriage. I made many mistakes, which at the time I could not see. I thought my husband made mistakes that justified my actions. Today, I can see how contentious I was: I did not allow him to be the head of the family; I thought we were living together happily, but I was jealous, wanted to control my own life and make my own decisions. I was not a good housewife, either; I neglected our home, and my husband was on his own, basically living like flatmates.

Then one day, my husband got tired of me and our life and just left the house. When he didn't return, I did not believe it was real. When he finally contacted me, he said he could not take my perplexing personality any longer. It was then I got on my computer, in complete despair, and searched everywhere, through so many websites on the internet, finding so much out there. Then I came across you. I did find hopeAtLast.com. Immediately, I began to understand what my head could not answer. Up until that moment, I only thought that my husband had never liked me and ignored his own faults, where the problems lay. I thought, until that moment, that I was the ideal woman, a saint; nothing in me could justify a separation, him leaving me. At that moment, I began to understand the truth. It was such a shock.

When he contacted me next, I told him I finally understood and we could change as a couple, be better for each other, so he came home. Unfortunately, it was not long until I started to make the same mistakes. Soon, he said that I had not changed at all and left the house again. I intensified studying your website courses, and this time I did not tell anyone that he had left home, because everyone would be against a reconciliation if they knew. This began the few months of much trial and anguish, but, slowly, I began to learn everything that my Heavenly Husband wanted me to know about marriage and His love for me.

"The continual dripping in the day of great rain, and the contentious woman, are both like unto one another: to try to moderate it shall be as to hold the wind, or as to hold the oil in his right hand" (Proverbs 27:15,16).

"It is better to live in a corner of the roof than to have a quarrelsome companion in the house" (Proverbs 21:9).

How did God change your situation, Adalene, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

In those months that he stayed away from home, I began to dedicate myself to the Lord and to following everything that the site had to offer. Everything. Very soon, my God became my EVERYTHING, as I could not talk to anyone since I did not tell a single soul what was going on. From knowing my God, my Father, I then discovered that everything I needed was found in the Lord; He was my Husband; He was my Friend; He was my Confidant. Some things I shared with an older married friend, but I learned that it was wise to talk to someone only after I'd talked it all through with my HH first.

What amazed me is that I never felt alone, because my Beloved filled all the voids and changed my world. I began to see everything new and fresh. With Him, I had everything I needed. I only had to ask, and He took care of it. When my job was in jeopardy, He gave me a new job. When my house needed repairs, He had the husband of my cousin appear and offer to fix it. When I just needed reassurance or kind words of affirmation, He caused strangers to speak beautiful words, and when I heard them, I knew it was He who'd done it. When I needed hugs, coworkers randomly hugged me.

He strengthened me when I became weary and did not feel like I could study anything more. And even things I didn't realize I'd neglected or needed were taken care of. He led me to return to physical activity; He gave me back the life I didn't realized I'd lost. This was not just any man; this Man is King, and He is the center of my existence, and I came to the point of forgetting my own goals in life and wanting only His plans. I found old friends with whom I could share my wonderful relationship, and they sought Him, too. Gradually He began to reveal to me why this all had happened. He began to show me my mistakes and helped me to fix them, one by one. The time I spent in His presence proved that nothing that happens is a mistake but is carefully planned and orchestrated for our good. He started to teach me how to build my house on the Rock so it would not fall anymore...

"Whosoever therefore heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a prudent man, which built his house upon a rock; and the rain came down, and the floods ran, and the winds blew, and they fought against that house, and fell not, because it was built upon the rock” (Matthew 7:24, 25).

"For your Creator is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name, and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, who is called the God of the whole earth. For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken, and sorrowful in spirit; as the woman of the youth, who was despised, saith thy God” (Isaiah 54: 5,6).

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Adalene, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

He taught me that I should love Him above all things—that He should always be the most important Person or thing in our lives—that was the biggest principle I began to put into practice. Then He taught me how to respect the authorities placed by Him in my life. I read How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and A Wise Woman, and I studied all the courses offered on your site—each were of fundamental importance, true instruments of God in my life to teach me how to behave, how to react, how to speak, how to let go and most importantly: how to really surrender and trust in God.

"Therefore, behold, I will hedge your way with thorns, and I will raise up a wall of hedge, that it may not find its paths. She will go after her lovers, but she will not overtake them; and shall seek them, but shall not find them; then she will say, ‘I will go back to my first husband, for it was better for me than for now’" (Hosea 2: 6,7).

"Likewise, you women, be subject to your own husbands: lest some also obey the word, because of the bearing of their wives they may be gained without a word" (1 Peter 3:1).

"You, women, subject yourselves to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the woman, just as Christ is the head of the Church, being himself the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the Church is subject to Christ, so also let women be subject to their husbands in everything" (Ephesians 5: 22-24).

"In the multitude of words there is no lack of sin, but he that moderates his lips is wise" (Proverbs 10:19).

"He that keepeth his mouth preserveth his soul: but he that openeth his lips much is destroyed" (Proverbs 13: 3).

"But let your speech be: Yea, yea; No, no; because what passes from this is of evil origin" (Matthew 5:37).

In the incorruptible garment of a meek and quiet spirit, which is precious before God" (1 Peter 3: 4).

"As the release of waters is the beginning of strife, so, before you are involved, stay away from the matter" (Proverbs 17:14).

"The intriguing (gossipy) person separates his closest friends" (Proverbs 16:28).

"Thus the heart of the king is in the hand of the LORD, who inclines to Him will receive all his desire" (Proverbs 21:1).

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Adalene?

Brides, despite all the benefits that God had given me in this ordeal, I confess that I failed several times. Often, anxiety wanted to take over me. Sometimes, I wanted to give up, when I began to look at my situation with human eyes. But once I cried to my Beloved, He immediately came to my rescue, renewed His promises to me, and filled me with His joy. All these verses I've shared were read and reread. And He began to allow me to see in the supernatural.

"...therefore be not grieved: for the joy of the Lord is your strength" (Nehemiah 8:10).

"Why are you downcast, O my soul, and why do you trouble me? Wait on God, for I will yet praise him for the salvation of his face" (Psalms 42: 5).

Adalene, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

The turning point was when I left my anxiety and anguish behind me and I began to rejoice in the test, in each trial. I began to thank God at all times, no matter what was happening, and to comfort myself that His way is much better than our will—He knows what we need; He knows how and when to do it. It was the moment that I truly only sought the Lord and wanted, needed, only Him.

"Commit thy way unto the Lord: trust in him, and he shall do it" (Psalm 37: 5).

"I know what it is to pass need and I know what it is to have plenty. I learned the secret of living content in any and all situations, whether well fed, hungry, having much, or having need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:12,13).

"Always rejoice in the Lord. Again I will say: rejoice! May the kindness of you be known to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication and with thanksgiving present your requests to God" (Philippians 4: 4-6).

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55: 8,9).

Tell us HOW it happened, Adalene. Did your husband just walk in the front door? Adalene, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

It started when my husband began to send short messages, which always led to him being happy about the need for our separation. So I followed the principle of Letting Go, and I agreed with everything. Then, amazingly (because it's a spiritual battle and we don't fight or win in the flesh), he began to act contrary to everything he said and I agreed to (regarding divorcing me, wanting nothing to do with me). He started to text me daily about everything; then he began to call me, just to talk, talking and sharing things for hours. Next, he began to just show up at home. When he did come, he made it a point to say he would never return, but I did not ask him to, either. Sometimes, it distressed me, this back and forth. Maybe it was the hard part, to try to not interfere, either way, to what I knew God was doing.

There were instances when I did mess up: when I tried to do it my way; when everything went wrong. Then I gave myself completely into the hand of God, He would restore, after all, and I knew that whether I was with my husband or not, whatever happened was the will of God, and that was what would be done.

It happened quite suddenly when he invited me to a party of a mutual friend, and there he treated me as if we were already together, a couple, happily married. After the party, he came back with me to sleep at home, and two days later, he brought all his things back. We do not talk about what happened—what’s in the past no longer matters.

A few months later, when my brother-in-law came over, he complimented me; he said that I was another woman and that he was sure that as a couple we would go far in life. I smiled, because I have that same certainty, for I know that God will help us to overcome any of our mistakes, even mistakes that we cannot overcome ourselves. Still, to this day, I haven’t spoken to any friends or family about our separation. I learned to speak to my Husband first. Keep Him first, even more so now than when we were separated. God kept His promise, and I must keep mine to Him. I see that everything that we went through was necessary for us to learn to live at God's best. To discover the abundant life He died to give us.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly" (John 10:10).

Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Adalene?

What wouldn’t I recommend? Yes. Everything you offer helped me to be who I am now. Start with How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, and really study A Wise Woman, because it helps to lay the foundation, the Rock, we need to build on, to be ready for restoration. Restore Your Marriage moves you from crisis to peace, helping you see what you did wrong, helping make sense of why it happened. It’s by studying A Wise Woman that lays the foundation to build upon.

Going through the courses, daily, helped keep me on the narrow path. Yes, I recommend the courses, they are great. They showed me where I was going wrong and made me see the situation from another angle. Before this journey, I only knew how to accuse and find guilt in others or even myself. After knowing Him as my Husband, I came to see the truth and learned about His love, knowledge, and wisdom and this is what will change us.

The devotionals and Daily Encourager were also fundamental in keeping me calm and helping me remember Who was in control. What can’t be missed are all the Abundant Life courses that are really helping me the most right now. Be sure to share HopeAtLast.com with family, friends or even strangers, when you sense any marriage issues. From there God will do the rest.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Adalene?

Yes

Either way, Adalene, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Do not give up on your dreams. Don't keep doing things your way, thinking that you can skip or ignore what you're learning is the right thing to do. When you begin to doubt, remember: you're not supposed to do it. God will restore your marriage; have faith, and leave it to Him! The more impossible in our eyes, the more it is possible for God. Only obey Him; talk only to Him, and the more He will do on your behalf.

Stay calm and enjoy this moment of intimacy with the Lord; make Him your Beloved Husband, and watch your life change. The changes begin inside so you may not be able to see what He's done yet.

God bless you! I am already happy to know that your marriage will be restored, just as He restored mine, as long as He is first.

"The Lord of hosts has sworn saying, ‘Surely, just as I have intended so it has happened, and just as I have planned so it will stand’" (Isaiah 14:24).