RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “I Stopped All My Stupid Speeches”

♕ Today's Promise: “I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me.” Proverbs 8:17

 

 

Agustina, how did your restoration actually begin?

Three years ago, my husband started to distance himself from me. We were married very young; we were both only 16-years-old, so we started out in a very difficult situation. We came from very different families. I am a pastor's daughter, and he is a deacon's son, but I was raised very strictly. I spent most of my time in church, while he stopped going to church after his parents stopped forcing him.

Early on when we met, I discovered that he enjoyed pornography (which he promised, when we married, wasn't something he was still addicted to). Later, I found out he'd never stopped.

After struggling to hold our marriage together, he just stopped caring about me and spent too much time on the computer—sometimes all night long until dawn. Our intimacy was nonexistent. I started praying, asking God to show me what was going on. One day,  when my husband went to the store and left his social network open, I saw everything I didn't want to see!! At first, I believed God had shown me (but now I know it was the enemy tempting me). I read conversations with friends, some with women or about other women, that shook me. Continuing to play into the enemy's schemes (who is out to "kill, steal and destroy" us), I confronted my husband, and he denied it, but I knew; I just knew.

Instead of seeking God, I tried to discuss and talk about it with him, more and more. Rather than helping, he just began leaving home, so he didn't have me pressing him. Even on our wedding anniversary, he was gone, never even acknowledging the day. It was then that I felt I'd lost my husband for good. My life was a mess. 

How did God change your situation, Agustina, as you sought Him wholeheartedly? 

I started worrying about my future and searching the internet for something about restored marriages, and I found RMI. I knew the story of Erin, but I had no idea she had a book. By a miracle of the Lord, a woman from my church handed me the books How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and A Wise Woman builds her house, by a fool who first built on sinking sand. She told me it had saved her marriage and that she kept these books in the trunk of her car to give out! I still have no idea how she knew I'd asked God to show me how I could get my hands on a book! 

It didn't take long for me to realize that I was completely wrong. I'd grown up in the church with parents as pastors, and yet I was ignorant about everything that God's Word said about marriage, about anything. How is that even possible, I wondered? 

First, I was not truly seeking God for my answers, nor was He at the center of my life. All my life, I'd had an emotional affair, because my Heavenly Husband was not first in my life. No wonder I lived in despair. God knew I needed to be broken—for me to see that I was completely contentious, quarrelsome, a bad housewife (after reading workers@home), and that I was always making it a point to share my opinion—when I didn't have a clue what God said about anything. As I started taking the courses, along with reading the two books, reading the devotionals, fasting and having alone time with God each morning, while also no longer watching television, I began to seek His face. I asked Him to forgive me and please just love me, because I was not being loved. I know this happened because it was my husband who was the center of my life. Well, honestly, the center of my life was ME.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Agustina, did the Lord teach you during this trial? 

First, I sought the Lord for everything—every need, every question. I knew only He had the answer. Then I stopped arguing; I stopped all my stupid speeches I'd make about everything I knew nothing about. I stopped all social media and pretty much stayed to myself, because I'm too jealous and suspicious, so if I heard anything regarding my husband, I knew I'd fall for the enemy's schemes again. I decided to take better care of my house and my clothes and his, to keep the house tidy. I worked through workers@home and found I was asking Him to forgo the career that I once thought was so important but now I hated.

I became more loving towards everyone. I was no longer calling all the time to know where my husband was or what he was doing. I no longer cared if he never came to sleep with me, and I stopped questioning why he no longer wanted to be intimate with me. I no longer craved it; I think because I wanted to feel loved by this act, but I never felt loved at all. I needed His love, so I could give love. I do thank God that my husband didn't leave home, as so many testimonies say happened to them. 

So if things got tough, if I saw and heard more than I wanted to, I knew not to complain or whine but to remain thankful that I’d come to my senses, before He needed to allow my husband to leave me in order to get my attention.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Agustina?

The hardest part has been letting go, because he never left, so I needed to not know or care what he was doing on the internet or who I could hear him talking to very late at night. Yes, it was very difficult, but as I became more focused on my HH, it got so much better, until I really had no concern about what he was doing, not at all.

Agustina, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?  

I can't pinpoint when things began to turn. It was gradual, as I began to change. Maybe it was after really reading A Wise Woman, when I'd determined to build my life on the Rock. Before that, my husband was totally ignoring me, but within a week of reading a WW, he was already talking to me again and was already praising the food I'd prepared (preparing it no longer in haste but just dreaming of being a good wife and pleasing God).

Soon after talking to my HH about being a worker@home, without me saying one thing to my husband, he mentioned that he'd heard of a way to make an income at home. He asked if I would consider quitting my job, and he said he would help me find clients to work from home, doing the same thing that I did for the company I was working for.

I know I still have a very long way on my journey, but I believe God wants to restore every area of our lives, and often He does it in the blink of an eye. Our financial life was in ruins, but I no longer worry about the bills, nor do I complain to him anymore. I don't worry about him, or finances or anything else. God has taught me that me telling Him is all I need to do, so I can retain and ooze the gentle and quiet spirit that's so precious to God, and that is what draws a husband back to a wife, too. I am so happy with my Precious Husband, and because I've been so happy and want to be forever His, maybe the turning point is when I told my HH I didn't need anything but Him, and I really meant it.

Tell us HOW it happened, Agustina. Did your husband just walk in the front door? Agustina, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored? 

It's hard to say when the restoration actually occurred because he never left. But it's very clear we are restored because our life as a couple is brand new. I am not the same, and because of me changing, so has my husband. I don't see him on his computer; he rarely goes out without asking me to come along. Our intimacy is better than ever, because it's based on love not lust.

Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Agustina?

I recommend every single thing this ministry offers. Erin has been and will always be the biggest blessing in my life. Where would I be if she did not share what God taught her and if she had not been willing to give her life to helping women like me? I am always showing women the books and telling them to visit the site—and to do so before they find themselves in a crisis.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Agustina? 

Yes

Either way, Agustina, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Dear Bride, simply follow the Lord's principles and believe His promises. Do not give up on your marriage, and don't follow what everyone else says. Only God knows what changes need to be made and if your heart is in the right place.

Do not play into the enemy's schemes. God has given us our families, our husbands. Be part of His army of women around the world who encourage other women to search for the Lord as their Husband. This is the key to restoring so many broken marriages and families. God is by our side, so we cannot fail.