RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “Crushed, but Trusting in Him, Alone”

♕ Today's Promise: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

 

Translated from French

Esmée, how did your restoration actually begin?

After he left me, I was crushed. A friend took me in, took charge and hosted me for two weeks. Then we went to pray every day, then several times a week. After that, I prayed alone.

How did God change your situation, Esmée, as you sought Him wholeheartedly? 

First, God, in my prayers, gave me faith. I struggled with Envy. Then, I met people who prayed for me, for us as a couple, and for our family and children. I went to rescue prayers. I prayed for my deliverance, but also his. One day, on my knees, I felt in my heart God talk to me: it was very clear: "Are you really going to follow Me now?"

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Esmée, did the Lord teach you during this trial? 

He asked me through His Word to choose Him, not to be unfaithful to Him anymore. I saw words like "I saw his conduct, but I will heal him." One day I asked, "Lord, I see how great my sin is, the harm that I did to him, harm that I did to myself by refusing to be submissive. Give us a chance, not at all because of my merits; I have none, and I see how much I’ve done wrong! But because of your sacrifice—the sacrifice of You on the cross."

It was not a theoretical understanding ...nor because of what I remembered that I had been told (I thought I was being stupid.) I thought I was going to ask Him without any merit--on the merit of Him, on the fact that He had already paid.  [I felt this might be wrong/ too bold.] YET...there, in my heart, clearly, I heard Him saying "On the contrary, you finally really understand."

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Esmée?

The desire to die. The day my earthly husband said "I love you, I'm coming back," but on the way, he cheated on me.... And I felt it. I prayed for him to tell me the truth about what he did. It was a moment of pure grace; I could forgive—to see him, who he is, with compassion. We stayed talking to me for four hours on the phone. But he hung up. Then, at the appointed meeting place, he rejected me, and he told me it was finally over between us. I tried to convince him....but for him, it was final, over. When I got home, I screamed. I got scared. My EH even heard me scream, because he was at the park a few houses away. I was inconsolable in my distress. I saw everything I had was gone. The loss was deep.  I went to the psychiatric hospital. There I was helped by a woman who prayed with me, who was a real guardian angel !!!! She stayed until the doctor arrived. He told me that I was normal, I didn’t need to be hospitalized. At peace again, to my earthly husband, I sent a text saying that I respected his decision. But I did not stay calm afterwards. It was a very, very hard time. Then I remained quiet.

Esmée, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?  

Two weeks after his total rejection and my total silence, remaining quiet (using it as a fast), he phoned to find out how I was (I did not expect it at all!). I went to church and when I came back, he wanted to see me, and he wanted to hold my hand. I refused, kindly. I told him, “I have a life in front of me. I put my Heavenly Husband in first place now…” And we really talked for the first time.....

He said to me "I had suffered too much in our marriage, I did not have the strength to leave, so I wanted to give you courage to leave me; so that you could go away, by me deceiving you.” “But,” said he, “it was the first time in my life that I met someone who knew how to forgive, like you just forgave me." Afterwards he courted me for weeks. We confessed our love just by holding hands ... without commitment. He told me, "If we had kept this child...(I was not Christian, I did this stupidity; I was then in deep depression, at the very beginning of our relationship. I took medication; there was risk of disability)... He said, “if we had kept it, I would have married you.” I took courses of Bible study, as a concrete act of my commitment to God (what He hoped for, waited for), and this study gave me a great peace. I was ready to wait for years for my husband (hoping it was him). This detachment brought us closer. I wanted to base things on the heart!

He still hesitated sometimes, and once he said to me, "How can you be jealous? You have no rights over me" and I answered, "I may have no right to you, or to be jealous; it's true! You are right. Because the foundation is trust. But if you refuse faithfulness, then I prefer to stop everything and cut off all contact.”  God comes first. I wanted to build on GOD’s values. So I said, “Love is a decision, decide for yourself." He told me he wanted to be faithful.

Tell us HOW it happened, Esmée. Did your man just walk in the front door? Esmée, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored? 

Being restored was a struggle, to accept and trust only my God, and I still do, but I saw him change !!!!!!!! soften !!!!!!! Despite struggles, I saw Him take care of him. Today I really see God at work in both our lives! I pray that my own heart is softened by His presence! I need to pray often and let myself be loved by Him, in order to achieve what He has for me, for us.

Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Esmée?

- Marital help from How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage also A Wise Woman. All of the By the Word of Their Testimonies, and going through online courses. Daily Encourager.
-Teachings
-Bible
-Prayers of deliverance
-Thankfulness
-To be independent of anyone but my Heavenly Husband
- the sweetness, the calm, the listening of my Heavenly Husband

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Esmée? 

Yes

Either way, Esmée, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Whoever trusts his own thoughts is just a fool, but whoever directs his course according to wisdom will escape the dangers (Proverbs 28:26).

As much as the sky is high above the earth, so are my ways elevated above your ways, and so are my thoughts high above yours (Isaiah 55:9)

Philippians 4... Do not worry about anything; but in all things make known your needs to God through prayers and supplications, with actions thanksgiving.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will keep your hearts and your thoughts in Jesus Christ.

To forgive sins, wanderings, errors and regrets, put them at the foot of the cross. Pray for Him to work in your heart. Forgive all, (make a list) including yourself, and make the decision to follow Him! It is the heart of stone that separates or divides. Let your Heavenly Husband make of your heart a heart of flesh. Even though it can hurt sometimes, He can give you His peace and His consolation, as no man could do it better! Do not put your man first. He may be lost. Bless Him. Praise God. Do in your life what is right in the eyes of God: put yourself in right standing with God. The most difficult thing I had to do: Give on your way beyond your pain. What we most desire deep in our heart is communion.

Even though it did not cost me, what I thought was a weakness healed me, and was not a defeat, but each time a Victory. Even though it cost me, what I thought was a weakness (to go to His arms, still angry, when He invited me there to be embraced). He healed me, and was not a defeat, but each time a Victory—that of sacrificing my ego for the love (of the heart) that my Heavenly Husband proposed to me.