♕Today's Promise: "Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; he who would destroy himself does it. Wounds and disgrace he will find, and his reproach will not be blotted out.” Proverbs 6:24–33.
Judy, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?
It all started suddenly. It felt like a bomb fell on me when my husband, Theo left for a meeting at our church and never came back home. All the betrayal came to light that day.
We had been married for 15 years when everything happened. I found out about his unfaithfulness when the OW's husband called me! He said, “Your husband is having an affair with my wife! Did you know?” We had all been friends and honestly, I almost died! I did not want to believe it was true. So, before that call took place Theo knew everything had been found out about the two of them, because his adultery surfaced while he was at the church meeting.
Theo actually had come home, just to pick up his cell phone charger, but then rushed right out again. Since my husband always worked hard, often not having time to get home, I didn’t find it strange. Then, a short time later, I received the devastating call.
At the same time, even without really believing it was true, I called my husband— who confirmed the fact. Then because our 6-year-old son came in and sat next to me while I was talking to him and he admitted the truth, I couldn't scream. I held back my cry, feeling it like a kick in the gut, as my world fell there and then.
After that, Theo never returned home. Instead he drove hours away to live at one of his sister's houses and stayed there for a month. When he came back to our town, he didn’t return to our house, but began living at his mother's house. In the meantime, each new event just made me cry. I really cried a lot!
In just two weeks, the entire course of my life had been altered. Oh, wait, I forgot to mention there was a second blow after the first. Just two days after the first bomb exploded in our lives, a second bomb exploded when my husband called me saying that he wanted me to know that he’d had another relationship with another friend of ours. He cheated with another wife, who was also part of the “three friendly couples” we hung out with from our church.
Not knowing what to do, I decided to drive to where he was, his sister’s house, and did everything I knew to do. I kept pleading with him to mend things. From the very beginning I declared my forgiveness, yet he had a heart of stone toward me. Yet, God knows everything. He knew how this cold treatment would cause me to suffer, He saw me so broken. I literally cried for three months without stopping, and things only got worse. But it’s what He knew I needed to find Him the way I did.
The next bomb was when Theo called to say he wanted a divorce because he said he was going to marry the OW. This was a period of so much humiliation, denial, neglect, even for our son (thankfully our daughter was too young to understand). Through it all, God was in control!!!
Before he could get the divorce, before he could marry one of the OWs, both of these women reconciled with their husbands! So once both were missing from my husband’s life, I always believed that he would come home. But that didn’t happen.
So many people who called themselves our friends turned their backs on me. He was a very influential person in our church, so as you can imagine, this was a very big scandal. What’s sad is that many simply stopped believing in what our pastor had always taught. No one believed that God can do all things, that He is the God of the impossible!!
How did God change your situation, Judy, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
Dear friends, I never ceased to believe the impossible. Even as I often felt I was drowning in pain, I remained firm in my belief that God would do something. My purpose was to trust that God would restore my family.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Judy, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
Though I believed, I had no idea what I was supposed to do, not until I read the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. I learned so much each and every time I read through it! Each time I applied many more things, especially letting go, which I confess was very difficult! But, thank God I managed. As incredible as it may seem, when I fully let go, things started to really happen!!
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Judy?
Our financial life was totally destroyed. He worked in the church, so as soon as everything came out, of course, he was out of work. Also, while we were married, I did not “need” to work, he wanted me to stay at home caring for our home and our son and daughter.
So, even though I was not working during the full two years of my restoration journey, God made sure that we never lacked anything— neither me nor our children. God supplied all our needs! Let me say too, my husband did not help because he was out of work for almost two years. I can’t explain how it was possible. God took care of me and our children!!!!
Judy, what was the "turning point” of your restoration?
After almost ten months of being entirely in the desert, things started to happen. First, he started to call me, primarily to talk about our children. I didn’t ask for anything from him because GOD supplied all our needs and I had a HH who supported all my emotional needs. Then, as time went on, the conversation began to change course. He started to talk more about us.
By this time, he had returned to living with his sister because it’s where he finally found work (where people didn’t know about the scandal). It was all very sudden really. After we started to talk, twice he came to our house. We watched a family movie, the four of us, and we talked a lot after the kids went to bed. Often, he’d say something about “rethinking of our marriage.” I was radiant knowing it was God turning His heart. Yet, each time he had to go back to his sister’s to work.
Understand, too, that in all this time he was out of our home, we had no intimacy. If he came to visit, he stayed with his mother, who lives a block from our house. God is so faithful, from the moment he decided to return home, a door opened for new employment. It opened in less than two weeks. I could see his heart had truly repented and he told my son that he was coming home.
Tell us HOW it happened, Judy? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Judy, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
When he came back to the Lord, after he repented, he headed straight for home! It was two years in the desert, almost to the day. His return home was wonderful. It feels like we’re on a month-long honeymoon, and this is after 15 years of marriage minus the two he was gone. He is very happy at home, making plans for us and I know that the Lord has much more to do. I watch Him do new things for us, to help us to be fully mended every day since the restoration of our marriage.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Judy?
I recommend the book as How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and the online courses. I took my courses daily, and each was like breathing fresh air in my soul.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Judy?
Not at the moment, not directly anyway.
Either way, Judy, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Actually, I’d say the key point is that the moment when we start to trust God fully, really giving Him all our anxieties, expectations, and our dreams—giving Him everything—our entire lives, is when restoration begins! That’s when things will start flowing. One thing that has always helped me to continue no matter how hard or impossible it appeared was knowing that God is in control!!! Glory to God! Do not give up on your family, on your marriage, or what appears impossible because God never gives up!! Stay still and experience the peace of the Lord!!
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