♕Today's Promise: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” C134
Zahra, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?
I had a marriage restoration once before in 2003. I found RMI (Restore Ministries International) that year when Barron left me for the OW (other woman). I had found out I was pregnant during that time (after 3 miscarriages). Barron filed for divorce and said he loved me but he wasn't "in love" with me. I did not show up on the court date and he didn't go either. He was home 3 months later. Fast forward to the past few years. I became bitter, hated not to be in control, couldn't stand if he wouldn’t listen to me (because I thought I knew better than him), I had become the worst I had ever been as a wife. He has an addiction/problem and since he wouldn't get help I stopped being intimate with him as an ultimatum (that was a big mistake and lasted over a year). At that time, I thought if he doesn't love me enough to get better, then I want a divorce and I would also vocalize that to him (even though somewhere inside me I knew better because I have went through this before). The enemy had a grip on me for a couple years. I had become worldly and in the flesh started "tough love". Everything I had learned before, when restored the first time, had definitely been pushed aside 17 years later by resentment, bitterness, and feeling sorry for myself. The final issue to push him out of the house was I had seen something on his phone (while snooping) and woke him up to let him know and he was coming towards me to get the phone from me and smacked it out of my hand and then I yelled "I'm so done, I want you out." Usually, he wouldn't really leave but he did this time. I cared but then thought, No, this is what I need. He doesn't love me etc. So he moved in with a friend and his wife.
How did God change your situation, Zahra, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
I'm not sure what happened over a 3 week period of him being gone but the Lord changed my heart (it felt like in an instant) and opened my eyes again. I felt love for Barron and wanted to be kind, intimate, and wanted him home. I again started searching for RMI-Erin Thiele (because I couldn't find my old books). I started seeking God and applying the principles once again.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), did the Lord teach you during this trial, Zahra?
With a sincere heart, apologize, to forgive (often several times a day), to fast, pray, to be patient, to be kind and most of all to love...because love never fails.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Zahra?
After a month of me kicking Barron out - he found another woman (I didn't realize for a while) but when she started to not let me text him or call, it was hard. I had to learn patience and that I was not in control and give it all to the Lord. He would pick up the kids from school with the OW in the car and drop them off at the house (I felt so broken) but I prayed and fasted.
While being restored Barron told me "she has no ride to or from work and I don't want to be the bad guy, so I told her I or we could pick her up or drop her off to work for a while." Now, this is hard! Trying to be kind to the OW and giving her rides to work. I'm learning to deal with it and trust God, but I have failed with my words (letting Barron know I don't like it) quite a few times.
Zahra, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
It was when the Lord changed my heart to want to love Barron again. When I apologized, Barron said he was in shock and couldn't believe I was saying I was sorry and that I was admitting fault.
Tell us HOW it happened, Zahra? Did Barron just walk in the front door? Zahra, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
No, not really. Barron had been saying for about 2 months that he wanted to come home and that he never wanted to leave in the first place (since I was the one to tell him to go). He said he just didn't know how to leave since he was now with the OW. Those couple months seemed like forever and my flesh would tell me he wasn't really going to leave her. One day they started arguing over him sending me a text and I guess she heard the phone tone when I responded. It ended up with her yelling and her punching Barron in the face a couple times. He told her that he has always said he wouldn't put up with someone putting their hands on him (because he would never do that to her) and that he was through. He came home that evening but I thought he was just staying for a few hours and he said "No, I told you I'm done with her," I still really wasn't sure but he did end up staying the night and has been home for about 3 weeks.
Since the time I apologized he had always said he would come back home one day (I didn't know he had the OW when I apologized, so I thought he would had been home quick). Then I found out a few weeks later and he had been saying for a couple months he was trying to figure a way out. So no, I really didn't suspect.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Zahra?
Yes, I would recommend How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, A Wise Woman, My Beloved Devotionals, The Be Encouraged Videos. I also purchased the audio for a Wise Woman and would listen in the car as I drove to work.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Zahra?
If its His will. I'm am a very introverted person and also can't express feeling very easily. It took me 3 weeks to attempt this Restored Marriage Testimony because I would write things down in increments every few days 🙂
Either way, Zahra, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Do not let the enemy make you think you failed and it's over when you make a mistake or sin. He wants to make you think you have failed. Praise God in the midst of the storm, repent, make sure you forgive, even if you have to ask God to help you forgive because you just don't want to!
It's been 3 weeks full of up and downs with lots of trials still going on (the OW still partly in our lives, etc). Its no where near a fairy tale but Praise the Lord he brought Barron home! I haven't had much time with my Beloved now and I feel that's not helping me stay in the Spirit and I'm becoming more "open and mouthy" when I see things that hurt me. This morning was one of those mornings and I think its my Beloved nudging me to trust Him and make Him stay first in my life and not Barron. I praise Him for this because I do need more of Him!
