♕ Today's Promise: "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." Proverbs 31:30
I have been really late in updating the tasks which was asked of me as part of the ministry but my HH made sure to prompt me and lead my steps each time I feel I cannot do it and my strength fails me!
I had just read an encourager from Yvonne when she was looking down at herself because her FH had left her for another woman (EH Remarried already), and thinking about it, I also felt the same insecurity because of what happen in my own marriage and my EH leaving me for this OW and making sure to let me know how good looking he thinks she is compared to me. I am really devastated by the fact because growing up, I really felt self-conscious that my looks were not considered beautiful according to standards and I was always commended for my personality which was bubbly and energetic and also for my intelligence that lead to me being contentious and prideful and arrogant towards my EH.
So the months following my RJ and after I had given birth to my son, I made sure I get back to my shape pre-pregnancy, (which I was blessed because my Heavenly Love maintained my pre-pregnancy weight, no complications, no stretch marks or any sign I've given birth) mainly because I wanted to look pleasing in my EH sight, my convictions were strengthened when my Heavenly Love put me and my EH in the same house again, and I try to look decent and pleasing every time we have to go out which was nothing at all like me when we are still together before.
I am very simple and prefers to wear comfy tops, shorts and slippers type of person but since this OW came into our lives and I snoop at their lifestyle (VERY WRONG IT LEADS TO MORE PAIN! THANKFULLY MY HH HELPED ME) I became very insecure of her and try to imitate her style which had made me seductive and implying wrong impression to people around me. When my EH heart started turning away from her and I know she is becoming bitter, his heart still didn't turn back to me and I was left feeling rejected again. I felt unworthy, useless and most of all UGLY, even through my efforts, I fail to allure my EH.
This is when HIS convictions come through ME! He made me realize that ALL my efforts will FAIL and continue to do so if I seek to PLEASE MY EH and not HIM! That my constant pain and rejection was all because I put my faith in the flesh when it should be on HIM! Thankfully it is never too late to repent and ask forgiveness because He is a God of many many chances! I made myself right with Him, sought His strength and wisdom to change the things that I made wrong impressions and gave me the awareness to dress more age-appropriate and my personal style which is pleasing in His eyes. Also because of MTM, which I believe was from HIM as well, He reminded me to avoid friendships with opposite sex as this is a tool which can be used by the enemy to deceive and trick me and since I am vulnerable now, His protection will be thwarted if I chose and decide on my own terms, again!
When I now look at the OW, He gave me spiritual eyes to see that she too was very insecure of me, as proven when I sent a birthday message to my EH and my EH responded well but after a few hours, the OW used his account to pretend she was the one who responded before and will relay the message to my EH BUT made sure she let me know it was her. I never bother to reply and didn't told my EH about the incident BUT believed that my HH will use this for my good and His glory!
He had also freed me because I am now a new creation and that I was fearfully and wonderfully made and was created after His image, so whenever I look down on myself, I hurt Him because I am a beautiful creation in His loving hands!
Every day is a wonderful and a learning journey with HIM, and I am very thankful that He never gets tired of teaching me how to be more like Him and less of me through the trials and lessons He allowed to touch my life. I will be forever grateful for His love and attention and faithfulness in my life!
Psalm 139:14 (NIV) "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well".
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