I have written many PR’s these past few weeks but failed to submit them because of my failure to associate them, with the promises He had given me and i am ashamed and ungrateful. Erin is right, the time spent alone with Him must be treasured and His words should be engraved in the deepest of your hearts for these kinds of battles. When you have no access to books, lessons, and courses and only have Him as your guide and this is the time where He taught me to rely solely on Him alone no matter how still things seemed.
I still am living with my PIL’s for over 2 months now, and since i started my RJ 8 months ago, this is the most times i have seen my EH. My EH often gets in touch with us and visits our son, and he sometimes does kind gestures like buying food for me since i am nursing. I am in a place where most women would envy i know because i too once longed to have a glimpse of the life of my EH when we are apart.
PTL for these blessings but what surprises me is the fact that whenever my EH is with me, i long for the time with my HH. Whenever he stays for the night,i miss the time being alone with my HH in my prayer closet and pouring my heart and everything to HIM.
Since nursing my son had reduced our intimate time together, how much more so if my EH returned?
Don’t get me wrong, i do want my family to be healed and HE had given me an agape love towards my EH that no matter what he does in front of me, i could not bear any anger. But i have reached a point in where i pray to HIM to let me have an abundant life with HIM and my son, and wherever we are, it would not matter.
Where i am is not a situation or a place i had dreamed of, or planned for my life but it seems to be everything i need. A few days ago, i started having thoughts of giving up, giving in to fleshly desire because i was hurting so much but His grace is sufficient He did not let me fail, and today i realized why. Earlier today, i received a call that my grandfather, my dad’s father, died earlier this morning. I didn’t get to spend much time with them growing up because my parents separated when i was young. I only got to see them during the holidays. Upon hearing the sad news, i honestly felt nothing. But when my EH came home, and he heard about the news and he asked me, tears unwillingly fell from my eyes and the emotions started to surface. I excused myself and even repented to my HH for not running to Him ahead of time. A strong feeling of regret came over me, i was planning to visit them for them to see my son but i never got to make those plans come true, and HE told me, a man plans his ways but the LORD directs his steps.
Of all the days that had passed by this year, i had let my situation and pain to consume me shutting everyone around me, that i never even gave my grandfather a single day to spend with me and most of all that my son will never get to meet him. Looking at my son, i used to be like him when my parents separated. They both decided it was best for us to be apart, and i grew up never really had the chance to spend time with my dad and his family. It was a void in my life that can never be filled by anyone and where my motivation of having a complete family came from. As much as i regret, and as much as i cry, i can never go back. I praise and thanked my HH, for making Himself known to me. And i know by His grace, no matter what happens to me and my family, my son will never ever experience the pain and the regret that i have felt if i just walk closely to HIM.
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Romans 8:18-20 NIV
Present Suffering and Future Glory
“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope.”
~ Cherie in Manila
New Tagalog Translator
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